It really starts because of the dissatisfaction of one person for another, so is clearly a sign of trouble in the relationship. People also enter into serious relationships for the wrong reasons from the start based on their personal emotional needs. Two halves make a whole goes the saying, but with two people, you should have two wholes. If the needs are better filled with a third person, the original pair is likely to split. Whether it's forgivable depends on so many factors it's impossible to give an answer.
Cheating...Is It Forgivable?
- Thread starter ChefChiTown
- Start date
it is to be regretted that so many people can't see that cheating happens not at the moment when you find out that your girls had sex with someone else, but at the moment of the wittingly lying words being pronounced.
IMO cheating starts from the moment you or your girlfrend said: "I want only you. I do not need no one else". That's it. Since that moment you step in the cheating zone. ambitions, vanity and belief in you own oneness and excellence are very fertile field for that words. Gotta get back to reality. There are a lot of people who are no way worse than you. It is just a matter of case if your gf one day turns out to be in comfortable situation for sex with other person.
Of course, you can fight that idea during all your life, and not admit it, blindly believing in faith and fine words about love. But that position is naive and contains a lot of disillusionment and painful revelations inside.
IMO cheating starts from the moment you or your girlfrend said: "I want only you. I do not need no one else". That's it. Since that moment you step in the cheating zone. ambitions, vanity and belief in you own oneness and excellence are very fertile field for that words. Gotta get back to reality. There are a lot of people who are no way worse than you. It is just a matter of case if your gf one day turns out to be in comfortable situation for sex with other person.
Of course, you can fight that idea during all your life, and not admit it, blindly believing in faith and fine words about love. But that position is naive and contains a lot of disillusionment and painful revelations inside.
BNF
Ex-SuperMod
AFA with the voice of reason.
Man, a lot of you are a tough crowd. Absolutist terms to underscore your thoughts on this being unforgivable...
Life is too short to have such hard line stances on this kind of thing, IMO. If she wants or needs to go out and fuck around, that's on her and vice versa. I'm not going to stop her. I'll take her back too. (Assuming AFA's point that other circumstances make the relationship valuable enough.)
No one needs my permission to do anything and I'll let her do what she wants. What if she meets her soulmate? Who am I to stand in the way (just because of one of life's biggest time wasters and stress causers - jealousy.)
Now, if we're talking about an affair where the is love or deep, intimate feelings and thoughts shared over an extended time behind the persons back - that's different.
Flirting, serious flirting, making out, sex, a brief fling even - that I can handle and, frankly, think is good for the mind body and soul. Those primal feelings, those endorphins, that "possibility" for more, the chase, the hunt, the score - those come along rarely in life, and I bet whoever has experienced them remember them as clear as that day. They are the spice of life, so why artificially lock them away?
Man, a lot of you are a tough crowd. Absolutist terms to underscore your thoughts on this being unforgivable...
Life is too short to have such hard line stances on this kind of thing, IMO. If she wants or needs to go out and fuck around, that's on her and vice versa. I'm not going to stop her. I'll take her back too. (Assuming AFA's point that other circumstances make the relationship valuable enough.)
No one needs my permission to do anything and I'll let her do what she wants. What if she meets her soulmate? Who am I to stand in the way (just because of one of life's biggest time wasters and stress causers - jealousy.)
Now, if we're talking about an affair where the is love or deep, intimate feelings and thoughts shared over an extended time behind the persons back - that's different.
Flirting, serious flirting, making out, sex, a brief fling even - that I can handle and, frankly, think is good for the mind body and soul. Those primal feelings, those endorphins, that "possibility" for more, the chase, the hunt, the score - those come along rarely in life, and I bet whoever has experienced them remember them as clear as that day. They are the spice of life, so why artificially lock them away?
not always. I think that in many cases it is just a desire for variety. One can be very satisfied with his girlfriend, and she might be very good for a long-termed relationships, but sometimes you just wanna swing an episode. Tasting new things doesn't mean that you neglect habitual stuff. It is just a desire to discover something new in addition to what you've got already, but not for replacement. Your gf might be very versatile and interesting, but she can't substitute all the people in the world. And neither you can't. Variety of people, of their bodies, minds, temperaments etc - can't be combined in one single person.
Having a constant gf/wife is like living at home. But fucking a stranger - is like travelling. I am fond of travelling! And it doesn't mean that I do not need my home sweet home
...man convicted of adultery has been stoned to death in a village in the country's north-west, the first time it has confirmed such an execution in five years
fucking stupid!
http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/07/10/1975121.htm?section=world
fucking stupid!
http://abc.net.au/news/stories/2007/07/10/1975121.htm?section=world
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
That's a shitty way to die, but he broke Iranian law and was punished accordingly.
All the more reason to not cheat.
Woottonite
Banned
Your friend is a fucking idiot who obviously has little ethics or morals, and if I were you I drop her as a friend and never look back. She's bad news all around.
Same thing goes for your ex-girlfriend.
Bottom line, it is in-excusable at any time and under any circumstances.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
Gee, why don't you tell me how you REALLY feel?
First of all, I'd appreciate it if you didn't call my friends "fucking idiot's". It's not something that's really wanted on these boards.
Secondly, nobody asked what your opinion was about my friend or my ex-girlfriend. You know absolutely nothing about either of them so keep your immature opinions to yourself. Insulting a members friends isn't a good way to get a good reputation on these boards, especially on your 5th fucking post.
IMO this law is fucking stupid... As for that Iranian guy, of course, he understood that he could be punished in such a way, and he knew his risks. But this is awful that some people in this world had to obey such a Crazy Rules.
...well, in fact it is another topic. I must confess I was just very angry when I had read that article about Iran. And the fact that it happened today, after posting my thoughts about "cheating" at this thread, made me to express what I feel about their laws... And I am affraid that many people who are strict and categorical in terms of relationship might subconsciously accept that iranian way of punishment, cuz stoning is logical continuation of admitting that "cheating is unforgivable"... it is so sick to my mind!
If your in a SERIOUS relationship, married or just together. NO CHEATING PERIOD!!!! 
Thats what ended my marriage. I went to work 6-7 days a week, 12.5- 14.5 hours a day. Sometimes a double. My one buddy saw my wife and her Ex-Husband, I was #2, drinking at a bar till last call. They left together, walked accross the street to the No-Tell Motel. When I confronted her, she said yes it had happened a couple of times, she would quit and be a "Good Little Housewife". No Way, Once A Cheat, Allways A Cheat!!! 11 months I called it quits!! Best thing I ever did was get rid of her!!! :glugglug: If your in an open relationship, have tried that twice, it's O.K., cause ya know when you go out different directions, most likely there going to Bang someone. Don't like those types of relationships, but some like Em!!! :dunno: Not Me!! Guess I'm Old-Fashioned!! :wave2:
Thats what ended my marriage. I went to work 6-7 days a week, 12.5- 14.5 hours a day. Sometimes a double. My one buddy saw my wife and her Ex-Husband, I was #2, drinking at a bar till last call. They left together, walked accross the street to the No-Tell Motel. When I confronted her, she said yes it had happened a couple of times, she would quit and be a "Good Little Housewife". No Way, Once A Cheat, Allways A Cheat!!! 11 months I called it quits!! Best thing I ever did was get rid of her!!! :glugglug: If your in an open relationship, have tried that twice, it's O.K., cause ya know when you go out different directions, most likely there going to Bang someone. Don't like those types of relationships, but some like Em!!! :dunno: Not Me!! Guess I'm Old-Fashioned!! :wave2:dave_rhino
Closed Account
I think it is unforgivable.
If you're unhappy in a relationship and feel you need someone else, then you should break up, not start an affair.
I could maybe.. MAYBE.. forgive a girl if she got drunk and got with another guy, I know what stupid things drunk girls do.
However a long running affair should be punishable by death.
If you're unhappy in a relationship and feel you need someone else, then you should break up, not start an affair.
I could maybe.. MAYBE.. forgive a girl if she got drunk and got with another guy, I know what stupid things drunk girls do.
However a long running affair should be punishable by death.
ChefChiTown
The secret ingredient? MY BALLS
I have a friend who kind of does that and I don't understand it. In the 8 years that I've known her, she hasn't gone more than 2 or 3 weeks at a time without a boyfriend. If her current boyfriend isn't making her happy, she won't break it off with him and wait for another guy to come along. She'll hang on to her current boyfriend while she looks for a replacement. Then, after she's found another guy (through cheating basically), she'll dump the boyfriend she's with and move onto the new guy. The cycle repeats itself over and over and over again.
She is, without a doubt, one of the saddest and most depressed people I know because of this and it's no one's fault but her own.
Unfortunately, there are some people who don't realize that having time alone can be a very GOOD thing.
My wife and I are fortunate that we love each other and have been committed to each other for over 33 years. We love, we share, we disagree, we fight. But we respect and trust each other:
* Respect the other person enough to let them know when it's time to call it quits
* Trust to know that there will be no hanky-panky without prior consent or notice.
We've always been very open with each other - we've talked about swinging, threesomes, orgies and a few others. Back when we were a young couple with nothing to lose - we experimented with a few things.
We enjoyed those "experiements" but mutually came to the conclusion that ultimately our greatest happiness lay with each other.
Now to the question: "Is cheating forgiveable?"
On a personal note: If I ever cheated on my wife, the bigger question would be "Would I and could I ever forgive myself?" Because if I cheated, it would mean that I betrayed the trust of my soul mate. My best friend. The love of my life. My conscience keeper. My saviour. The Mother of my children.
Forgiveness from my wife would be useless if I could never forgive myself. Yes, to me adultery is a H-U-G-E "No-No". Yes, I maybe a "sixties child", but call me "old fashioned" anyhow. My darling wife feels the same.
Adultery to me, has little to do with sex (sex etc. are "symptoms", not the "source") - but everything to do with betrayal of trust. Trust and Compromise are the cornerstones of any relationship.
Anyone who has ever been a parent to a teenager knows everything one needs to know about "trust" and "forgiveness".
Forgiveness is useless without repentance.
So.... is cheating forgiveable?
I'll be honest - I don't know.
I can't speak for my wife. But I can speak for myself:
It would depend on what she did. Being "married" for as long as we have, given our kids and other things....
But I generally think that if she were truly repentant, I'd forgive her.... but I'd never forget her nor will I ever forget what she did. Oh and even though I'd forgive what she did - it's over between us.
And I expect the same treatment from her (actually, I know I'd get the same treatment from her. You don't stay married for over 33 years without knowing stuff like this!)
Some of you folks think this might be "hard assed". Sorry! I come from the school of thought that says "If you can't be committed to a monogamous relationship anymore, you break up first before moving on". Nobody is placing a value judgment on monogamy or having multiple partners - just the fact of 'honoring' pledges.
cheers,
* Respect the other person enough to let them know when it's time to call it quits
* Trust to know that there will be no hanky-panky without prior consent or notice.
We've always been very open with each other - we've talked about swinging, threesomes, orgies and a few others. Back when we were a young couple with nothing to lose - we experimented with a few things.
We enjoyed those "experiements" but mutually came to the conclusion that ultimately our greatest happiness lay with each other.
Now to the question: "Is cheating forgiveable?"
On a personal note: If I ever cheated on my wife, the bigger question would be "Would I and could I ever forgive myself?" Because if I cheated, it would mean that I betrayed the trust of my soul mate. My best friend. The love of my life. My conscience keeper. My saviour. The Mother of my children.
Forgiveness from my wife would be useless if I could never forgive myself. Yes, to me adultery is a H-U-G-E "No-No". Yes, I maybe a "sixties child", but call me "old fashioned" anyhow. My darling wife feels the same.
Adultery to me, has little to do with sex (sex etc. are "symptoms", not the "source") - but everything to do with betrayal of trust. Trust and Compromise are the cornerstones of any relationship.
Anyone who has ever been a parent to a teenager knows everything one needs to know about "trust" and "forgiveness".
Forgiveness is useless without repentance.
So.... is cheating forgiveable?
I'll be honest - I don't know.
I can't speak for my wife. But I can speak for myself:
It would depend on what she did. Being "married" for as long as we have, given our kids and other things....
But I generally think that if she were truly repentant, I'd forgive her.... but I'd never forget her nor will I ever forget what she did. Oh and even though I'd forgive what she did - it's over between us.
And I expect the same treatment from her (actually, I know I'd get the same treatment from her. You don't stay married for over 33 years without knowing stuff like this!)
Some of you folks think this might be "hard assed". Sorry! I come from the school of thought that says "If you can't be committed to a monogamous relationship anymore, you break up first before moving on". Nobody is placing a value judgment on monogamy or having multiple partners - just the fact of 'honoring' pledges.
cheers,
Because they are so obsessed with chasing something to make them feel whole, that they have no clue what they like or dislike, other than something very superficial and moment to moment. This is also a culture, (like others), that focuses a lot of advertising time on looking right, and romance. The hero always wins and gets and the beautiful babe. Rather than a focus on what positive values people have in common, it's more, who do I look good with, if not an outright, I hate to be alone and need someone! It's very unrealistic, childish and immature.
:thumbsup:[
I don't know what is right ...
I don't know what is right for others, I only know what is right for me.
Almost a decade and a half with one woman, closing in on a dozen married, and I know only one thing.
There is one and only one woman who makes me feel comfortable and knocks my socks off.
There is absolutely no interest or reason in my mind for me to enjoy another lover than my wife.
This is not based on some morals or commonly accepted values or some other beliefs.
This is based on myself, my desires, my wants, my comfort in giving of myself to only one lover.
Sure, I see beautiful women all-the-time, even find I have lust, but every time, they are just sporting the features I love about my wife, and that's why I like them.
As far as my wife, should she ever "cheat" on me, I would be hurt -- but not because she "cheated."
It would be because she didn't inform me of her desires beforehand, of which I hope she trusts I would put her desires and values first.
Because that's what marriage is about in my life, with my wife, our values and respect of each others values.
I don't know if my marriage will last or not another 10, 20 or even 30+ years, and I won't even speculate why it would.
But I know it won't last if my wife feels she can't share anything with myself and ask anything of myself.
And I know much of our marriage continues to be pure bliss because she is the one woman who satisfies me completely.
And not because of any cake I don't have, but because of the cake I can't get enough of and just don't care to look elsewhere for.
I don't know what is right for others, I only know what is right for me.
Almost a decade and a half with one woman, closing in on a dozen married, and I know only one thing.
There is one and only one woman who makes me feel comfortable and knocks my socks off.
There is absolutely no interest or reason in my mind for me to enjoy another lover than my wife.
This is not based on some morals or commonly accepted values or some other beliefs.
This is based on myself, my desires, my wants, my comfort in giving of myself to only one lover.
Sure, I see beautiful women all-the-time, even find I have lust, but every time, they are just sporting the features I love about my wife, and that's why I like them.
As far as my wife, should she ever "cheat" on me, I would be hurt -- but not because she "cheated."
It would be because she didn't inform me of her desires beforehand, of which I hope she trusts I would put her desires and values first.
Because that's what marriage is about in my life, with my wife, our values and respect of each others values.
I don't know if my marriage will last or not another 10, 20 or even 30+ years, and I won't even speculate why it would.
But I know it won't last if my wife feels she can't share anything with myself and ask anything of myself.
And I know much of our marriage continues to be pure bliss because she is the one woman who satisfies me completely.
And not because of any cake I don't have, but because of the cake I can't get enough of and just don't care to look elsewhere for.
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