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- Thread starter Legzman
- Start date
Sometimes, the weight of regret from my various wrong turns and poor decisions becomes overwhelming and I have to physically stop and just breathe for several seconds while my vision goes in and out and I break out in a cold sweat. If anyone notices (how could they not?), I tell them I am prone to blackouts due to a head injury in a past car accident which, while true, leaves out some key details about me being under the influence of alcohol and narcotics at the time.
Supafly
Retired Mod
Sounds like a great script for a trans porn movie!
Years ago I worked night shift security at a mall. As was the case with so many jobs, my excess creativity and ingenuity was aimed at finding ways to make my employer's life less pleasant while maintaining a cooperative facade. To this end, each night I would masturbate into a bottle of salad dressing which was kept in the refrigerator in the mall office. That bottle of salad dressing lasted 16 months and was there on my last day. Might still be there for all I know. I like to think about those people eating salad dressing with semen mixed in. That makes me smile.
Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
Yeah but their cops are complete a-holes. I've never met a Henderson cop who wasn't badge heavy and pissed off LVMPD wouldn't hire them. North Las Vegas officers are far more competent and pleasant. And there are parts of NLV that are quite nice and not hobo infested. Summerlin area of town is pretty good, too.
I have been thinking about which bodily functions have produced the most humorous scenes in television and movies. Seems uncontroversial to say farting is first but then things begin to get murky. I'm thinking diarrhea and vomiting in some order are two and three. Solid waste excretion, ejaculation and menstruation are probably next. Leaving urination for last. It's good I thought about this.
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I guess it would get uncomfortable. Now that I think of it, I am not aware of a movie in which a teenage boy magically swaps places with his father. You can't make that movie because you would have to address sex with Mom/Wife. I never saw the Jamie Lee Curtis/Lindsey Lohan entry into this genre but it is much easier imagine this being handled tastefully.
If I could produce hallucinations in others, I would target self-important middle-manager types. It would occur when they are working from the office and in the restroom while in a state of gastric distress. They are also alone in the bathroom as the hallucination is occurring. When a point of no return is reached, they will hallucinate a member of the opposite gender coming into the bathroom while having a severe mental health emergency. This person begins banging on the stall door and screaming nonsense at the top of their lungs. I really want to convey the savagery of the attack here. Our manager perceives themselves as being in a room with a feral human. An animal on two legs is on the other side of that stall door. This continues for however long is necessary and then the hallucination leaves the bathroom. I think this individual would have an interesting rest of the day.
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Mr. Daystar
In a bell tower, watching you through cross hairs.
Seems like a waste, when you could just give yourself some wild hallucinations so you can hear all of the colors coming from that Pink Floyd album.
I want to take a bath with the woman in the previous post. That probably won't happen. I can say with a high degree of certainty that 99% of my baths going forward won't involve another person at all. I blame my depression and resulting alcoholism on insufficient number if baths with beautiful women. I wondered then as I wonder now if I might not have turned to be a very different individual had things gone differently in that arena. We'll never know.
Mr. Daystar
In a bell tower, watching you through cross hairs.
Excuse me, but I prefer, joyously challenged.
I am sure this will come as a great shock to everyone, but I view a considerable amount of pornography on the Internet. Much of this material allows users to post comments and I am seeing an increase in the use of the terms "breed" or "breeding" when describing actions the commenter would like to pursue with the woman pictured or depicted in film. I find this very disturbing. When I see a beautiful woman the last thing I want to think about is something the size of a watermelon coming out of her vagina while she curses my name and tells the nurses that I am a premature ejaculator. As if that were not unpleasant enough, I would then be financially responsible for a new human being. People on the Internet are weird.