They'll Just find it on the black market. Make a few covert trips to the old Soviet Union. Lurky & BB Are pretty aggressive once they get their minds set on performing acts of degenerate vulgarity on each other.
I'm thinking Dirk. Somehow rubbing it all over Blueballs without ******* him and creating a gay nuclear pretzel while Greg stands there in a lead lined MOP suit videotaping the whole thing.