Dude, I've lived in the south my whole life. Alot of my family carry that flag. Alot of people deny that it's a flag of hate, but in my 27 years of experience most of the people I've met that carry it are racist. Sorry, but that's the way it is. I'm not just some guy that has jumped on the whole "Everybody has carried that flag is racist" bandwagon.
I've met and do know alot of people that do carry this flag. It's not some overblown "knee jerk reaction" like you claim. Alot of these people will tell you that it's not a symbol of hate, but as I said, alot of those people are likely racist.
Too many experiences for me to feel different. I'm not saying that everybody that carries that flag is racist, but I've had more than enough bad experiences with those flag carriers . Yes, my family that carries this flag have black friends that actually believe the same thing you believe.... But they don't know what is said about black people when their not around. People can be very gullible.