Is it selfiish/wrong to not go to a loved ones funeral?

[BlkHawk]

I don't like funerals, I haven't been to one in ten years, I don't want one when I die. I don't want my last memory of a loved one to be of their dead body in a coffin, I want to remember their life. When I mourn I don't want to be surrounded by a group of people, for me it is something private, not something I wish to share. I prefer to share memories of their life, rather than sharing the sadness of their loss.

Is that wrong? Is it selfish to not be there for others who want to mourn with the group?

I know in the past my absence has caused people to believe I am disrespectful, or didn't care enough for the deceased to say goodbye. That's not the reason I don't go, as I said above, I want my goodbye to be private, I want my memories to be of their life.

Thoughts, am I selfish, and an ass? Do I have the right to mourn in my own way?

 

[CrimsonBolt]

an ass?

you are :yoda:


nope i'm kidding, i don't like funerals neither (like most of people i guess lol)
but for people is the last time to say goodbye, (i've missed the funeral of one of my best friend) didn't see him since the ''college? high school?'' (not sure what is the word in America?) in France we call that lycée.
well, one of my friend worked with him at a time, he leave the work and come back some mounth after and people said to him that Eric is dead so he call me to tell me that.
i was chocked and very sad and the worst is, i can't be there. i can't say goodbye to my friend cause he was already burried.
the guy was like a ******* when we was in school and, i was not there for him, yes i think is important to go say goodbye one last time.

 

[Mr. Daystar]

A little selfish, but not wrong. If your loved ones know who you are, and how you feel, they should know it's not out of disrespect. I don't like them either, but I go...mostly because the funerals I go to, are for people that have attended funerals for my ******, and I feel I have to.

 

[cestmoi2010]

I don't like funerals, I haven't been to one in ten years, I don't want one when I die. I don't want my last memory of a loved one to be of their dead body in a coffin, I want to remember their life. When I mourn I don't want to be surrounded by a group of people, for me it is something private, not something I wish to share. I prefer to share memories of their life, rather than sharing the sadness of their loss.

Is that wrong? Is it selfish to not be there for others who want to mourn with the group?

I know in the past my absence has caused people to believe I am disrespectful, or didn't care enough for the deceased to say goodbye. That's not the reason I don't go, as I said above, I want my goodbye to be private, I want my memories to be of their life.

Thoughts, am I selfish, and an ass? Do I have the right to mourn in my own way?

You have to do what you feel comfortable doing.....or not doing.

My ****** is getting up there in age and for the first time I am starting to see signs his life is coming to an end. When - who knows but I don't expect him to live 10 more years (He is 80 now). When he passes he will be cremated. That's we know. When he passes I am going to try and have his gathering be a celebration of life. NO sadness just people celebrating the man he was. I will have his favorite foods there so we can enjoy what he enjoyed. I will simply have an open Mic and anyone who wants to get up there and say something about him can.

Something like this will be sad but fun at the same time so people not crazy about funerals won't have that stigma to it.

 

[BlkHawk]

You have to do what you feel comfortable doing.....or not doing.

My ****** is getting up there in age and for the first time I am starting to see signs his life is coming to an end. When - who knows but I don't expect him to live 10 more years (He is 80 now). When he passes he will be cremated. That's we know. When he passes I am going to try and have his gathering be a celebration of life. NO sadness just people celebrating the man he was. I will have his favorite foods there so we can enjoy what he enjoyed. I will simply have an open Mic and anyone who wants to get up there and say something about him can.

Something like this will be sad but fun at the same time so people not crazy about funerals won't have that stigma to it.

This I don't mind. I don't think anyone will ever like funerals, but gathering, and sharing good memories makes a lot more sense to me than everyone parading in front of an open casket, and saying "I'm sorry for your loss" to everyone else. I would much rather hear indvidual memories rather than how most funerals are done.

 

[hYdl1d3]

Each one is different and represents someone whom is no longer with us. Everyone bares grief in their own rights and some take disrespect whether warranted or not. Giving respect to your kin / friend in your own manner bears upon one's own heart. I dunno, my intermediate thoughts on the matter.

 

[Harley Spencer]

Most of the funerals I've gone to were for people in the ****** that I wasn't close to. Rarely saw or spoke to them. The main reason I went was because I felt ****** to in order to be respectful.

But for someone that I love, if they died Id absolutely go of my own will, out of sadness and grief, not because it's the "right" thing to do.

Do I think it's selfish? I suppose it depends on the reason. For you, not at all. Mourn in your own way.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Most of the funerals I've been expected to attend were too far so I told my ******, "Too far. Bye-bye."

 

[Gape_Fan]

Fake your own death and see who goes to your funeral first.

 

[BlkHawk]

My grandfather died when I was 7, on my 7th birthday to be precise. I don't have many clear memories of him, unfortunately one of those clear memories is of his body in the casket. My uncle died Friday, and I would rather have my last memory of him be of holding his hand in the hospital visiting with him, and seeing him smile while talking about his dogs, rather than seeing him made up in his casket. Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

 

[Mr. Daystar]

My grandfather died when I was 7, on my 7th birthday to be precise. I don't have many clear memories of him, unfortunately one of those clear memories is of his body in the casket. My uncle died Friday, and I would rather have my last memory of him be of holding his hand in the hospital visiting with him, and seeing him smile while talking about his dogs, rather than seeing him made up in his casket. Thanks for your thoughts on the matter.

Then you should do that...then write a very heartfelt note, inside of a very nice sympathy card, and send it to your Aunt.

 

[BusterLoads]

Is it selfiish/wrong to not go to a loved ones funeral?

No.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Any ****** bitterness or resentment can be resolved with a few Macy's or Best Buy Gift Cards anyway. Who doesn't love to get those? I'd rather give a quantity of cash than a smidgen of quality time. I really don't have the patience for those people anymore. Phoniness and harboring ill will. Them, not me. Hard to face this during this time of year. Maybe use a picture of the open casket and plaster it on next year's Christmas Card. I'm not really picky. Just choose to do something. Or nothing would be fine as long as a final decision was made that makes any and all things final.

 

[bobjustbob]

No one ever wants to go to a funeral. There's nothing pleasant about it. It's sad. But think about the reasons people gather. Some need support and simply showing your face will give comfort to someone. Put others emotions before yours in such a situation.

A few years ago I attended one for my 7yo nephew. A SUV backing up a driveway didn't see him. He was just 2 blocks from his house. Who wants to attend one of those kind of funerals? Then again it doesn't matter the circumstances. Someone wants you to be there and will be thankful. Be honored. Suck it up and go.

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

I didn't go to my grandfather's funeral because I couldn't afford the airfare, even with a bereavement discount. It has haunted me for twenty years.

But this last ****** funeral...I would have hated myself for the rest of my life if I didn't attend.

 

[BusterLoads]

Funerals are about as fake, unnecessary and trivial as weddings and every other socially imposed ritual that exists.

 

[Ace Boobtoucher]

This wasn't fake, unnecessary or trivial. This held real meaning for everyone attending.

 

[tartanterrier]

I've always wondered what would be worse - not going to a loved ones funeral, or not going to a loved ones wedding :dunno:

 

[Stephen1956]

I learned recently that Abraham Lincoln didn't attend his ******'s funeral.
When told his ****** wanted to see him, as he was on his death bed, Lincoln refused to see him.
His *** treated him rough, when he was growing up.
I've often thought about what I would say at my ******'s funeral, if anything.
He treated me and my ****** rough. Lots of beatings.
I keep thinking of the old command, "Honor thy ****** and ******, so thy days may be long on this earth".

 

[Bribi1]

When you explain your reasons, there is no way it is wrong. You have rationals reasons.

And anyway, here or not at a funeral, it won't change anything. People always try to be all nice and do everything right for dead people, but they should think about being nice and respectful when they are alive instead.
It's when people are alive that you need to respect them. A dead person is dead. It won't hurt him/her if you don't respect him/her.