My largest load was to a Traci Lords vid (much long ago), blew a hole in my apartment wall and washed my prissy neighbor out his second floor window and into the the natal plum (horrible giant spines) bushes below. I lost over 140 pounds in that incident, the landlord told the police that I wasn't me (that guy's too skinny to be that porn-watching asshole!). My pants were wayyy to big afterward, and every time the cops told me to put my hands on my head my pants would fall down. Since my balls were hanging to just above my knees after the mega-splooge the cops would fall down laughing every time that happened. I'd swing them just for effect, it was *really* funny, even though the landlord didn't think so.
So there I am, holding up my giant pants with one hand, the other on my head, now laughing like hell along with the cops, the snotty landlord is screaming that I'm everything from a serial killer to an alien invader, the neighbor is outside screaming while the EMTs are trying to disengage him from the hundreds of two-inch hardwood natal plum spikes he's impaled on, the firemen are laughing at the EMTs because they've realized what he seems to be covered in (they eventually fire-hosed him off while still stuck in the bushes so the EMTs could actually get a grip on him, and sawed the bushes off at their bases), and when the cops can catch a breath they want to know where the hell is the fat guy that lived there. I take my free hand off my head and pull out the huge flap of extra gut-skin and wave it at them and tell them it's me, and they collapse in laughter again. You definitely won't see that one on "COPS"
I eventually suggest that they take me in and check my fingerprints, because I know I'm in the system one way or another. One of the cops says they aren't going to do that until I wash my god-damned hands and they all crack up again. Meanwhile my tv is sparking and frying the cum it's filled with and the smoke is drifting through the hole in the wall. The landlord gets pissed and stomps off to write up a nice fresh eviction notice. I had them turn off the breakers and yank the cord off a clock radio so I could cinch up my pants and we all went off to the pokey.
They eventually verified it was me, and had to let me go. I was young and my skin tightened up (thankfully) but has always been kind of thick since then (never gained the weight back). While I was at the cop-shop the story got around quickly - never heard so many cops laughing so hard, especially after the pissed-off EMT's checked in with them - they looked like godzilla had sneezed on them and kept giving me dirty looks. One of the female officers, seemed a little dyke-ey but I wasn't scared, introduced herself and asked a few tentative questions when there wasn't anyone nearby. I swear that woman pulled another forty pounds of cum out of me during the next few weeks, but when production dropped off she lost interest. Ah, youth...
Seriously though, dude, if you can blow twenty rounds with volume you can get a *paid* job in porn. Doesn't matter what you look like.
Oh, and yeah, secret? Vitamins? Fluids? Mangoes? Banana cream pies?
