Things to say during sex.

[imsohorny]

LMFAO.
http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=51563 :nanner:

 

[PlasmaTwa2]

I couldn't find "I have diarrhea" on there. I assume it's good?

 

[Ace Bandage]

1.Thanks, here's a dollar... in change... mostly pennies.
2. You will never love another!
3. Do you smell what The Rock is cookin'?

 

[daviondknight]

C'mon I'm so horny. Let's fuck.
Suck it baby...

 

[lurkingdirk]

"Be gentle with the strap-on, I have sever hemorrhoids."

It's not on there. At all. Are you trying to kill my sex life?

 

[LukeEl]

I usually love to say this during sex to whoever else may be in the room
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2Vh5VjZxC0&feature=related

 

[Ace Bandage]

^^ Maybe one day, if we train him well enough, Luke will learn to embed YouTube videos. Then again maybe not. Let's just be happy that he's forming coherent sentences... :tongue:

 

[BlueBalls]

"If you shut the fuck up and let me finish without pissing me off, I won't slit your throat!"

My wife loves that one. Especially when she doesn't know who's saying it.

You should see her face when I rip off the mask and she looks up at me from the puddle of her own vomit, crying, in varying degrees of undress with her clothes all tattered and ripped. It's priceless.

The restraining order and her new husband and kid are just her way of adding that extra passion back into our relationship that was so lacking before hand.

She loves it really.

 

[LukeEl]

^^ Maybe one day, if we train him well enough, Luke will learn to embed YouTube videos. Then again maybe not. Let's just be happy that he's forming coherent sentences... :tongue:

Your in for a mixed bag tonight! And I don't mean teabagging your mom with one shaved and one hairy nut. Just fucking with ya ace

 

[imsohorny]

"If you shut the fuck up and let me finish without pissing me off, I won't slit your throat!"

My wife loves that one. Especially when she doesn't know who's saying it.

You should see her face when I rip off the mask and she looks up at me from the puddle of her own vomit, crying, in varying degrees of undress with her clothes all tattered and ripped. It's priceless.

The restraining order and her new husband and kid are just her way of adding that extra passion back into our relationship that was so lacking before hand.

She loves it really.

You scared me.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

"Hurry up and cum! I gotta take a massive shit!"

 

[BlueBalls]

You scared me.

But it's the good kind of fear, right?

The kind of fear that allows you to get in the hot tub with the fat hairy guy wearing nothing else but a red leather thong. It's exciting, you know you shouldn't be anywhere near this person. But you never know, in 10 minutes you could be be jerking each other off with reckless abandon because there's no one around, it's there and why not?

Give in to these feelings. You may be entering into an entirely different world and entirely different perspective on life.

Enjoy it!

 

[LukeEl]

"Hey if you have your period use a tampon. I don't want blood on my Star Wars collectable sheets!"

 

[lurkingdirk]

But it's the good kind of fear, right?

The kind of fear that allows you to get in the hot tub with the fat hairy guy wearing nothing else but a red leather thong. It's exciting, you know you shouldn't be anywhere near this person. But you never know, in 10 minutes you could be be jerking each other off with reckless abandon because there's no one around, it's there and why not?

Give in to these feelings. You may be entering into an entirely different world and entirely different perspective on life.

Enjoy it!

Now you're just being a fucking idiot.

Wearing leather in water? You know better. Put on the lycra, bitch. If you spoil another leather thong I'll kill you.

 

[BlueBalls]

Now you're just being a fucking idiot.

Wearing leather in water? You know better. Put on the lycra, bitch. If you spoil another leather thong I'll kill you.

That beautiful man, on that fine summers evening wore what he wanted to wear. It was his choice. He obviously never intended to actually keep the garment, he left it on the hot tubs edge for the nice Albanian boy who cleans the pool to pick up during his rounds the following morning.

We retired to his hotel room for the night, naked.

It was a joyous experience.

 

[lurkingdirk]

That beautiful man, on that fine summers evening wore what he wanted to wear. It was his choice. He obviously never intended to actually keep the garment, he left it on the hot tubs edge for the nice Albanian boy who cleans the pool to pick up during his rounds the following morning.

We retired to his hotel room for the night, naked.

It was a joyous experience.

You may have found it joyous, but did it include roast, tiny chickens?

 

[BlueBalls]

You may have found it joyous, but did it include roast, tiny chickens?

Indeed, it did not and the entire night in light of this revelation will be remembered ever the lesser because of it. But for all of the regret I now feel about not enjoying some succulent mini-chickens in that hot tub on that hot humid night under the stars with this beast of a man, I cannot continue on with this newly formed disharmony of "what might have been" for very long without recalling how wondrous the experience of recognising the taste my own asshole on this man's fabulous if somewhat underwhelming penis was for the first time. My friend, truly these are the moments that make us who we are.

I still weep to this day over the day we parted. I can remember it as if it were just yesterday.

But 'twas not to be, life goes on as they say.

 

[lurkingdirk]

Indeed, it did not and the entire night in light of this revelation will be remembered ever the lesser because of it. But for all of the regret I now feel about not enjoying some succulent mini-chickens in that hot tub on that hot humid night under the stars with this beast of a man, I cannot continue on with this newly formed disharmony of "what might have been" for very long without recalling how wondrous the experience of recognising the taste my own asshole on this man's fabulous if somewhat underwhelming penis was for the first time. My friend, truly these are the moments that make us who we are.

I still weep to this day over the day we parted. I can remember it as if it were just yesterday.

But 'twas not to be, life goes on as they say.

You know what I'm going to say. You're dragging it out of me.

Remember that special May evening, when I recognized the taste of you on another's underwhelming penis? That time you hadn't even revealed yourself? Yes, yes, even yes! The time I had a cock in my mouth, and pulled off it, saying, "Where's BlueBalls? I recognize this taste?"

Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I miss us.

 

[BlueBalls]

You know what I'm going to say. You're dragging it out of me.

Remember that special May evening, when I recognized the taste of you on another's underwhelming penis? That time you hadn't even revealed yourself? Yes, yes, even yes! The time I had a cock in my mouth, and pulled off it, saying, "Where's BlueBalls? I recognize this taste?"

Sometimes I miss you. Sometimes I miss us.

We're just not good together baby. We both agreed on that. I know it's hard, but we made the right choice. I miss us too. But it's better this way. In time you'll realise we were right to go our separate ways.

Yes there were good times; remember the first time we tried a little Voltaire's? :1orglaugh Yeah that was horrifying, stimulating, sexy and messy all at the same time. It was great. Definitely one for the book, it's something future generations must know about.

But our love just hurts, there are too many incidents to mention so publicly. But you know them, I know them and Georges knows them as well.

Our love just wasn't meant to be. It hurts me to say that but it's the truth. Of course deep down it's still there and every time we interact it comes out in various anal discharges from one of the various rectal injuries we suffered at the hands of one another.

We need to keep our love hidden deep within the depths of our memories now. For the sake of little LukeEl, our son. If not for the sake of anyone else.

I'll always love you. :crying:

 

[lurkingdirk]

We're just not good together baby. We both agreed on that. I know it's hard, but we made the right choice. I miss us too. But it's better this way. In time you'll realise we were right to go our separate ways.

Yes there were good times; remember the first time we tried a little Voltaire's? :1orglaugh Yeah that was horrifying, stimulating, sexy and messy all at the same time. It was great. Definitely one for the book, it's something future generations must know about.

But our love just hurts, there are too many incidents to mention so publicly. But you know them, I know them and Georges knows them as well.

Our love just wasn't meant to be. It hurts me to say that but it's the truth. Of course deep down it's still there and every time we interact it comes out in various anal discharges from one of the various rectal injuries we suffered at the hands of one another.

We need to keep our love hidden deep within the depths of our memories now. For the sake of little LukeEl, our son. If not for the sake of anyone else.

I'll always love you. :crying:

You're right, of course. But I remember adding honey to the glove to help the broken glass adhere before...well, you know. That was such a special evening. Who would believe that human creativity could be so absolutely disgusting, even though animals weren't involved?

LukeEl will be fine. I haven't told him about our love, and I've taken to wearing adult diapers. It prevents awkward questions about the blood and faeces stains that naturally form in my pants since we spent that weekend on the "Isle of Man."

I think we should try again. I promise not to suggest lube again. I know that was my ongoing mistake.