Nuclear Bomb Tits

[Gomorra]

:rofl:

 

[hedonis]

Nicely done- cyber sex is ridiculous.

 

[random7813]

Hahahahahaha nice

 

[Shindekudasai]

Hilarious! :1orglaugh

That reminds me of some stuff my brother send me once of some guy that trolled around in chatrooms and documented the results.
Found it!

Here's one of his "deeds".

bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

 

[hedonis]

Wow, I hope this was a few years ago, with all the "aight" in it.

 

[rabid_2250]

Classic. Love it.

 

[Shindekudasai]

Wow, I hope this was a few years ago, with all the "aight" in it.

Yeah, I'd say at least six to eight years ago.

Got two more.

bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

and

BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

 

[PrimeGuy]

These are hilarious! :1orglaugh

 

[biomech]

That's awesome.

 

[Skyraider22]

Oh This is different.:thumbsup:

 

[satanic_boy69]

Nuclear bomb tits is my new favorite phrase. That shit was hilarious!

 

[shaine]

lolll that just made my day XD

 

[Cyclops_34]

These are fucking hilarious! :rofl:
Got anymore?

 

[hedonis]

I gotta remember that "I put on my robe and wizard hat"

I laugh every time I read that.

H

 

[Shindekudasai]

Got anymore?

Sure do.
Didn't post them so far, because they are either not that funny or too long. But here you go.

Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don't tell anybody
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k

And another one. It's pretty long so you gotta be patient. But it's definitely worth it. :1orglaugh

Girl: Hi
BNBoy: hello
BNBoy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
BNBoy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
BNBoy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
BNBoy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
BNBoy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
BNBoy: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
BNBoy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
BNBoy: No. I'm in hiding.
Girl: LOL
BNBoy: Don't ******* laugh at me!
BNBoy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
BNBoy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ******* break
BNBoy: I'm serious.
Girl: I don't get it
BNBoy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
BNBoy: I'm wanted in three states
Girl: For???
BNBoy: It's kindof embarrasing.
BNBoy: I had sex with a turkey.
BNBoy: Hello?
Girl: You are ******* sick.
BNBoy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
BNBoy: so I know you aren't one of them.
Girl: One of what?
BNBoy: The cops.
Girl: I'm not a cop i told you
BNBoy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
BNBoy: Hurry up.
BNBoy: Are you there?
BNBoy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
BNBoy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
BNBoy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
BNBoy: Weren't you!?
Girl: thats not it
BNBoy: Then what?
Girl: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
BNBoy: Most cops aren't
Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
BNBoy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What's your e-mail?
BNBoy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
BNBoy: Hold on. I'm looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I've lost weight since then.
BNBoy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
BNBoy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
BNBoy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
BNBoy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
BNBoy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn't you.
BNBoy: I'll be damned if it ain't!
Girl: You don't look like that.
BNBoy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
BNBoy: The profile pic is a fake.
BNBoy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
BNBoy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
BNBoy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
BNBoy: I was going to until I saw that picture
BNBoy: Now my dick won't get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
Girl: You've done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
BNBoy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
BNBoy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can't believe that cops are after you
BNBoy: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
BNBoy: You'd break both of his legs.
Girl: You're a ******* asshole.
Girl: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
BNBoy: Ok. I'm sorry.
Girl: No you aren't
BNBoy: You're right. I'm not.
BNBoy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I'm done with you
BNBoy: Aww. I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm putting you on ignore
BNBoy: Wait a sec
BNBoy: We got off on the wrong foot.
BNBoy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
BNBoy: I'll eat your pussy
Girl: You'll what?
BNBoy: You heard me.
BNBoy: I said I'd eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my picture
BNBoy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
BNBoy: Well I'm not like most men.
BNBoy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
BNBoy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don't know
BNBoy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I'm afraid to
BNBoy: Why?
Girl: cause
BNBoy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn't that seem strange to you?
BNBoy: Nope
Girl: well its strange to me
BNBoy: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
Girl: I didn't say that
BNBoy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
BNBoy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
BNBoy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
BNBoy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Girl: ???
BNBoy: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
BNBoy: ok?
BNBoy: Hello?
Girl: You can't be serious
BNBoy: Oh yes I am!
BNBoy: It's my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
BNBoy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
BNBoy: Then you'll do it for me?
Girl: sure
BNBoy: Ok. Here we go.
BNBoy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
BNBoy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
BNBoy: I softly begin to tounge your wet pussy.
BNBoy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
BNBoy: uh oh ...going limp.
Girl: Har
BNBoy: You gotta do better than that!
BNBoy: Your picture was really bad.
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRR
BNBoy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your pussy get more moist with every stroke.
BNBoy: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
BNBoy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
BNBoy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
BNBoy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
BNBoy: going limp
Girl: HARRRRRRR
BNBoy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
BNBoy: You begin to sway back and forth.
BNBoy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
BNBoy: ...still limp
BNBoy: Do it!
Girl: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
BNBoy: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
BNBoy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
BNBoy: I see shit nuggets hanging from the hair around your asshole.
Girl: WTF?!?!?
BNBoy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
BNBoy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
BNBoy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
BNBoy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
BNBoy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
BNBoy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple...
BNBoy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU ASSHOLE!!
BNBoy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
BNBoy: Your parrot flys away.
BNBoy: ...going limp again.
BNBoy: Hello?
BNBoy: Say it!
BNBoy: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

 

[PrimeGuy]

^ Wow, that girl is lonely

 

[Torre82]

::laughing ass off::

At first I felt bad for her, but.. HARRRRRR!!

Oh hell yes, classic. Only on the net. Only here.

 

[holdingmysin]

:rofl:FUNNIEST THREAD I have ever read on freeones
:thumbsup:

 

[tdomaster]

lol thes replies are pretty funny
LMAO

 

[hedonis]

BNBoy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...

Celluloid??? :rofl: What a fucking tard.

Celluloid is film. Maybe Cellulite?



Der...


H