my first post. HOORAY

[pkx904]

Hi everyone. I have been perusing these boards for some time, but tonight I decided “why not get into the whole message board posting thing?” So I did. Obviously I am new to this so if I break some taboo just let me know.

Actually though I have something that I would like to get off of my chest. Recently I was watching TV and I saw a show that is kind of like “48 hours mystery.” It wasn’t that but it was kind of the same format. It was about a man who was murdered by his wife. The guy’s friends and parents were all talking about how happy they looked together and how they couldn’t believe that she would do something like that. Also despite overwhelming evidence the girl’s friends and family simply couldn’t believe that she would kill her husband.

Well this show really freaked me out. I have seen tons of these kinds of shows (I really like the whole real life murder mystery thing.) and none of them ever had this effect on me. I am sure it has a lot to do with the fact that I recently went through a break up that was not pleasant. The thing is I have been through that before and I have always landed on my feet.

I started thinking about how you can never really “know” a person when you are dating them. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not afraid that I am going to marry a psycho killer. I mean it’s a possibility but a remote one. I am just saying that when you are in a long term relationship you are placing a lot of trust in a person that you can never really know.

Now I don’t think that I want to be in a long term relationship ever again. I weigh the costs and the benefits and decide that the risk is greater than the reward.

This deeply saddens. I have always been a long term relationship kind of guy. Ever since I was small I have wanted to get married and start a family. I have never been afraid of intimacy until now. As a matter of fact I have always enjoyed intimacy. I have always enjoyed getting to know someone and letting them get to know me.

Someone talk me out of this please. Six months ago if I read this post I would have thought “God that guy is an ass.” Now I am that ass. I am 28 years old. That’s too old for this BS. On some level I do still want the intimacy and satisfaction of a long term relationship, but I am just too damn scared.

So someone please set me straight.

 

[iamthetruemike]

Whoa... What do you want to hear?

It sounds like you are scared, but then again, you said so. so...
The benefit of a strong, healthy, loving relationship (so long as you know how to maintain it) outweighs the risk. There. I said it. If that doesn't help, I'm not sure what will.

 

[pkx904]

Well thanks for trying at least.
I hope this is just a phase. I am usually very cheerful and upbeat.
I am really not happy being this depressed.
That is kind of stating the obvious huh?

 

[gunslingingbird]

1. Welcome to Freeones. :wave2:

2. I'm not much of a fan of television, but I do enjoy watching the aforementioned real life murder mysteries every once in a while.

3. I think it's natural to not want to think about relationships after you've experienced a break up. It took me almost 5 years to get over it the last time it happened to me. Don't give up, though. Take some time to recuperate from the break up, and then start dating again. Note how I didn't suggest to start looking for a wife. Just try seeing girls without looking for anything other than some company for the night. Eventually you'll find one that's right for you. :thumbsup:

 

[xX-Joanne-Xx]

Hi and welcome to Freeones :wave:

You can never really know a person inside-out, there are always things that can suprise you or remain a mystery. But I dont think this is a reason to go the rest of your life without intimacy.

Nobody really wants to be alone forever, and what you have is just like an irrational fear. You have to try and get over it because most peoples lifes are usually better if you're in a loving relationship. I know this for a fact. :]

You can't know someone 100% but you can know someone enough to surrender your trust to that person, and that is a risk, but finding love is about risks too. :] And once you are with someone really special you'll be so glad that you made that risk.

xx

 

[pkx904]

Thanks GSB and Joanne

Just try seeing girls without looking for anything other than some company for the night.

I have never actually had a one night stand. I've never had the courage to approach someone in that way. Well it isnt really that I haven't had the courage, it is more that I have never thought that I would be successful. See I am usually pretty shy until I get to know a person. Once I am comfortable though I am very open.

If I were in sales I would be the kind of person who closes the deal, not the one who makes the initial pitch. Well that is a sucky analogy, but hopefully you get what I am saying.

I think you might be onto something though. I have only been in one relationship that was truly "short-term." The gal was a senior at the college that I went to and she had a job lined up out of state when she graduated. It was nice because there was no pressure at all since we both knew it was going to end.

Point is that I like your idea but I really wouldn't know where to look.

 

[bigbadbrody]

you write a lot for a newbie, i was to affraid to write that much when i was a newcomer