Ladies (and guys) I need advice! Please help!!!

[deaded666]

Ok here goes,

I've been with my wife for 12 years, married for 10 of those years. Like most marriages its been rocky but I felt we could pull through anything together. Well after a little bit of bullshit on both our parts, we were doing pretty good up until a couple of months ago. I fear she is up to her old tricks again. Once people start changing their habits its almost a dead giveaway. She guards her phone as if the cure for aids is in that thing. If she is on her laptop and I come in the room she usually closes it so that I not see what's going on. Speaking of her laptop, she's very protective of that too. I hate to admit but I did go through it and found a couple of sexy pics on there which sure as shit weren't for me. And right now she is in Austin for a training seminar. This is really tearing me apart because we live in south TX and it is my belief that any training like that should be held in each school districts county. She isn't a teacher, she is in administration.

Now when she first told me about this trip she asked if I wanted proof or emails requesting that she attend but I declined as a sign of trust. In reality emails like that can easily be faked so why bother. But I figured if I do ask for proof or ask where she's staying, who she's going with, whats the hotel number and all that I'd sound like an asshole who doesn't trust his own wife. Truth be told, the way she has been acting, I really don't trust her. And that hurts the most. That I can't trust the woman I love.

I think I'm a good husband and father to our kids, but I guess that's not enough. Instead of choosing to go have some beers with the guys or hangout, I choose to stay home and be a family man. She thinks I'm "clingy" and is constantly trying to kick me out by asking "Why don't you go out with the guys?" The worst time was when I hadn't even gotten out of work yet and asked me to go with the guys. I feel that she just doesn't want me at home.

My heart is truly breaking and my mind is being ripped apart. I need advice, input, anything you can tell me that might help me.

Yes, I do want to work it out, but my fear is that she has moved on. I feel so distant, even in our own bed.

Please help. pm me anything.

Thanks,
deaded666

 

[mongo18]

Seems like you're down to only one option - confrontation. Hit her up, explain why you have these doubts and ask for the truth, it might be a relief for her too. You mentioned "old tricks again," if this has happened before, there's a pretty good chance it's happening again.

 

[tartanterrier]

Like Mongo said you have to go for the jugular and have it out with
her,whether the outcome does come good or bad.

What's even worse about this,is that there are kids involved.So I hope
whatever you do will sort itself out for the better.

But I think the bottom line here is that you don't have her taking you for
an idiot because for as long as you don't do something,then she will just
keep doing it again and again

Good luck :glugglug:

 

[deaded666]

Seems like you're down to only one option - confrontation. Hit her up, explain why you have these doubts and ask for the truth, it might be a relief for her too. You mentioned "old tricks again," if this has happened before, there's a pretty good chance it's happening again.

Yeah, I did it because like most guys I felt she wasn't paying enough attention to me. She would go leave the house in the morning and come back late at night. Easily 12 hrs. while I was at home with the kids. What was a guy supposed to do? So I met somebody who had her own problems and I know two wrongs don't make a right.

After she found out, she was "nice enough" to return the favor. Just to get back at me, she said. Tit for tat I suppose.

 

[Chip10101]

Seems like you're down to only one option - confrontation. Hit her up, explain why you have these doubts and ask for the truth, it might be a relief for her too. You mentioned "old tricks again," if this has happened before, there's a pretty good chance it's happening again.

Take this advice.

 

[jasonk282]

Get in her face a demand amswers. As long as you did not go back to your old habbits there is no reason she should.

 

[Gordar]

Seems like you're down to only one option - confrontation. Hit her up, explain why you have these doubts and ask for the truth, it might be a relief for her too. You mentioned "old tricks again," if this has happened before, there's a pretty good chance it's happening again.

Actually, 2 options... (well, 3 options, but the 3rd isn't really going to solve anything)

The first option is the option Mongo mentioned.

The second option is to make her life exciting again yourself. Wether she's cheating on you or not, if you take her out again, do the things you did with her when you were both young, make her feel important again, You Might beat the competition without even knowing if there are others competing for your wife's love to begin with. If there is, good for you, you've won back your wife. If there isn't, both of you have a good time every now & then.

Option 3 is beat her at her own game, but like I said, I don't really consider that a good option.

 

[mosvie]

truely sorry for you
Hope everything works out.

 

[Facetious]

"6" You typed something about finding "sexy pics on her laptop that sure weren't for you"....were these pics of another woman ? or ..(?)
And you typed that she's concealing things on her laptop ? and you detailed how there's clearly some distrust between you two, and ...and ...
It would seem that You Might be in denial of the inevitable, I know it's hell, but like the guy's suggested ahead of me, it's time to find out what exactly is in this woman's heart.

It's HELL to learn the truth sometimes, I think that we can all vouch for that, but instead of playing games over her whereabouts, you do realize how juvenile that is .r i g h t ? It's time to have a serious talk ASAP. You can't live like this, YOU CAN'T.

Be strong ! Let us know what you decide.
You sound like a great father, always there for your kids, BTW.



Aside:
Have you ever been to the New Braunfels Oktoberfest ? :glugglug:
I have :beer: It's neat down in the hilly country Tejas :thumbsup:

 

[titsrock]

Yeah, I did it because like most guys I felt she wasn't paying enough attention to me. She would go leave the house in the morning and come back late at night. Easily 12 hrs. while I was at home with the kids. What was a guy supposed to do? So I met somebody who had her own problems and I know two wrongs don't make a right.

After she found out, she was "nice enough" to return the favor. Just to get back at me, she said. Tit for tat I suppose.

If I understand things correctly, you had an infidelity because you had opportunity to do so (due to lack of attention from your wife) and when she learned of this she went out and fucked someone in return, basically to "square things" ? Is that correct?

I think you both need to go into marriage counseling. You should ask her if she's willing to do so or else seek a separation. Though we're only getting your side of the sitch, it seems like she's not really interested in being married anymore.

Both of you should seek professional help.

 

[deaded666]

If I understand things correctly, you had an infidelity because you had opportunity to do so (due to lack of attention from your wife) and when she learned of this she went out and fucked someone in return, basically to "square things" ? Is that correct?

I think you both need to go into marriage counseling. You should ask her if she's willing to do so or else seek a separation. Though we're only getting your side of the sitch, it seems like she's not really interested in being married anymore.

Both of you should seek professional help.

I've asked to go to counseling together, but she says there's no point because the counselor will eventually lay all the blame on her. :dunno:
Not sure what else to do.

 

[jasonk282]

I've asked to go to counseling together, but she says there's no point because the counselor will eventually lay all the blame on her. :dunno:
Not sure what else to do.

leave her, she does not care about you.

 

[JordanRules]

leave her, she does not care about you.

I would hate to see this as your only option, but Jason might be right. If she really cared for you, she would do anything to help your marriage. Keep pressing her to try and work things out. Have an honest talk. If she won't budge, then there is probably nothing more you can do. And it's not your fault. You tried. She didn't.

I wish you the best. Take care. :hatsoff:

 

[jasonk282]

I would hate to see this as your only option, but Jason might be right. If she really cared for you, she would do anything to help your marriage. Keep pressing her to try and work things out. Have an honest talk. If she won't budge, then there is probably nothing more you can do. And it's not your fault. You tried. She didn't.

I wish you the best. Take care. :hatsoff:

That's basicaly what I am getting at, he did what he can to get it back together. Time to move on.

 

[titsrock]

jason's right. It sounds like she has 1 foot out the door. Hate to say it but that's what it sounds like.

 

[Wainkerr99]

Make inquiries about custody of the children. Surreptitiously, of course. If you have enough money, maybe discreetly hire the services of a P.I. Better safe than sorry. Maybe I should say better sneaky than sorry, but, there again, two can play that game.

 

[Smallville417]

I think she is already gone emotionally. If she did it before ( you were wrong also ), and she is showing signs of the same behavior, it's time to move on, even with kids.

 

[Hypergalaxy]

We can all give you tons of advice on what to do but this is just a forum and that advice would just be opinions..

It all comes down to your marriage and whats best for it and I am sure you already know that you need to talk to her. She may or may not be cheating but its something that you are only going to figure out and solve by talking to her and being prepared for both outcomes will help.

I truly hope that you work it out because yes marriages are never easy but it seems like you have the most important thing and thats Love and there is far to little Love left in this world

 

[alexpnz]

The writing is on the wall my friend.......one of the sayings I live by is this, If you have a bad feeling about something, chances are you are going to wind up feeling bad about something!! :hatsoff:

 

[hillhopper]

If I understand things correctly, you had an infidelity because you had opportunity to do so (due to lack of attention from your wife) and when she learned of this she went out and fucked someone in return, basically to "square things" ? Is that correct?

I think you both need to go into marriage counseling. You should ask her if she's willing to do so or else seek a separation. Though we're only getting your side of the sitch, it seems like she's not really interested in being married anymore.

Both of you should seek professional help.

Your thread was asking for a gals advice, but truly I can't offer any better than this above...professional help will help to teach you how to at least communicate better and if things end, that maybe helpful for the break up and custody decisions later. Good Luck! I mean it!