Sort of an open letter of gratitude to Josette Most (add yours if you like)
This got kind of long,so if you are in a hurry, the important stuff is in bold.
One of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen pictures of is Josette Most (or Bara Simkova, or Vanessa, or Bridget, or Kim or Jassette, or… not quite sure of her real name.) The first time I saw a picture of her was around 2008 or 2009. It was an isolated photo on the internet, and I didn’t know how to find more of her, or who she was. Anyway, from then on, I wanted my next girlfriend to look exactly like her. I would have gladly accepted her as my new girlfriend …that was until I saw her in videos with men. See, I first saw her in a solo photo spread, where she was basically just posing nude. When I saw her making it with a guy whose uncircumcised dick was the size of my arm, it spoiled something for me. What I think happened is, I imagined her as my girlfriend. Wouldn’t it be great to have a lovely thin, sweet woman pose in sexy lingerie for you, then strip, then lay on the bed with her legs apart smiling waiting for you to go down on her? But then, when she had this big black penis stuffed in her orifices (it had to hurt) well then, that was like witnessing somebody banging my girlfriend.
The original naive fantasy; that oh, one day we might meet and she would fall so in love with me that she only did nude modeling for me, and we were betrothed, was spoiled. Not sure what it means about me. I’ve had girlfriends before that had sex with somebody else before me. All of them in fact. So that by itself isn’t it. I never actually witnessed the ex drilling them, so that might be part of it. Maybe the realization set in, that well, she did this all the time. With lots of different men. Besides the yuck of disease, what was it? I don’t think it is that whole backwoods “she’s gotta be a virgin if’n I’m gonna marry her” thing.
I believe it comes down to basically two things. Number One, sex is special to me. It isn’t something I do with everybody, and I guess I expect the same from my partner. Number Two, seeing that little piece of a video was like watching a rape. Probably a rape of my projections of what and who I wanted her to be. It was like watching the innocence and sweetness of her soul getting pounded out. This woman was young when she started. 18, could be she was much younger, but of course that would be illegal. What happened to that sweet, extraordinarily (I really mean this) exceptionally beautiful 18 year old girl, who could have any guy (or girl) she set her sights on in a rather wide age range, what made her decide “I’ll do porn”?
These guys in the videos with her aren’t attractive at all. Old men, older than me even (ouch), and overweight, doing S&M, and they treat her rough. Not my style. They usually cum on her. I’d want to cum in her vagina. Am I an antique? I don’t know how she feels about it, but when they come on her face, well it seems derisive. Like they deliberately want to humiliate her. Maybe she doesn’t have a negative view of it. If she were my partner, and she came on my face, I’d lick it right up. I would be jubilant to have her cum on my face. Because, first off, that would mean I was eating her, and I’d love to eat her; and secondly, I’d be giving her pleasure, and I’d love to do that too. Maybe she views it like that.
I hope it is all theatre; that you ladies are treated with kindness and respect when the cameras are off.
So I’m questioning my views. She might actually feel insulted that I think this way. If you are offended, Josette, I sincerely apologize. I mean you no harm, you see without knowing you, I love you. No, I’m not that simple, I know I’m not in love with you. Because I don’t really know you. I can say honestly though, my body and mind are in love with your body. I know there is a beautiful woman inside your beautiful body, a beautiful soul, and I recognize that. I want you to be happy and be treated with love and respect. I want to believe you are living the life you want and are happy and fulfilled. Please tell me that is so.
I’ve often wondered, does anybody ask you what you want in bed? Not for the cameras, but for you? If I were your loving partner, that is what I would do, and try to do whatever you requested.
I’m writing all of this because, I often think about how grateful I am for women like you, Josette, allowing pictures of themselves naked, and more, to be distributed. The last decade or so has been extremely difficult for me.
I don’t have much intimacy, and haven’t had the pleasure of sex, other than solo, for over 8 years. Before that, it happened so seldom, and the “let’s hurry up and get this over with attitude” of my partner destroyed the little enjoyment there was left in it. That’s the way it was for the previous 7 years or so. The first year and a half together was more like I had always imagined it. She was enthusiastic and involved in the love-making. To sum up: 1 ½ years of pretty good sex, followed by 15+ years of pretty much flying solo. It is a pathetic situation that I have been working on, and may have found a path out.
So am I that bad in bed? No. She went through menopause, oh and she lied a lot when we first got together. She sent me cards and letters with lusty stuff in them when we were dating, to hook me in. Years after, I ran across a particularly good one I had saved. I showed it to her and said I liked it, why didn’t she do that anymore? She said she only did it because she knew I liked it, that she didn’t really think that way…so read between the lines…the lusty words and images in that card are LIES. I was crushed…and manipulated.
Without pictures of nude women…I probably would have completely cracked before now. Originally this rambling rant, was supposed to be a Thank You, to all those women, and especially you Josette, for any discomfort or sacrifices you’ve made for helping me stay sane. I really appreciate you, not just in a lusty way, but in a genuine Thank You for helping me keep it together.
Perhaps, in a parallel life Josette, we both chose different paths, and we are together as loving partners. Could be I am disturbed by echoes from that parallel life, or maybe in this life I am delusional.
Namaste.