I'm Right On The Edge Of Having A Roid Rage

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

This darn hemorrhoid on my anus is reddening and getting angry looking and seems like it's about to burst. When it pops I'll be curious to see what color the juice is inside of it. Bet the kitties would drink it if I let them. They really love daddy.

 

[Danoof]

Drink lots of beer and sit on the bowl for an hour or so, that will make it all better.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Sounds good, Dan. This darn hemorrhoid is the greatest existential threat to me sitting on the couch watching the TV in comfort tonight. Tonight, tonight is it just a rhapsody or am I right? Tonight, tonight is it all a mystery I just can't fight no more? I hear the questions surface in my mind of my mistakes that I have made. Times and places I have left behind and am I ever gonna make the grade? As I beat my head against the wall running around in circles in vain. I'm feeling three foot tall. You don't understand. I'm fading away. Don't want your pity or your sympathy. It isn't gonna prove a thing to me. Good intentions pave the way to Hell. Don't you worry when you hear me sing.

Think I'm gonna go over to the icebox and get that beer now. Maybe I can grab an extra cold one to sit on.

 

[FreeOnes_Adam]

What exactly do you do to treat those? its not something you can lance and be done with it?

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

What exactly do you do to treat those? its not something you can lance and be done with it?

I'll squat over a mirror and if it looks like a quarter empty sack of creamed corn I'll tear it open with my Buck 119.

 

[L3ggy]

:wtf:

 

[Pornfan99]

Uh, use 1% over-the-counter cortisone cream. If it doesn't improve within a few days, consider seeing a proctologist. AT WORST: he'll band it, and it will fall off.

 

[Rane1071]

You need to change your diet, Dino.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

I think I may back off from the hot peppers for a few days as the violent blasts of diarrhea while my anus was in a puckering phase from the spice may have been what produced such a juicy hemorrhoid.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

I would like to post an update to satisfy all the inquiring minds and other fans of my hemorrhoid. Things are really starting to calm down. My roid was the size of a large wine grape and now is more of a cranberry. I washed it and tried to keep it clean also gently dabbing it with soft tissue so it stayed dry. It no longer hurts to sit and I think all of the discomfort should be gone within a few days. Thank you for all your support and sympathy, thoughts and prayers, greetings and salutations, and cards and letters.

 

[Danoof]

Great news. I myself have done the Hemorrhoid Hustle on many occasions, and I know painful they can be. Just be glad you don't suffer from gout. ��