Condiments? Do you even condiment, bro?!
There is no 'true' one size fits all condiment, of anything. Even ketchup is.. shall we say, context-sensitive.
Mustard? Normal? Sweet? Spicy? Stone-ground? Grey-Poupon? You cannot discount mustard simply because you almost.. always.. will get offered bullshit-assed mustard. Heinz might make a 'table-friendly' mustard, and it fits a few palates ~ but fucks over many, many more. It isnt a mouth-natural flavor, which brings to mind Indian spice mixes ~ they are acquired tastes, outside of India.
Ketchup? Normal? Sweet? Roma? Sun-dried? Tabasco? Sriracha?
Mayo? Egg-heavy or egg-lite? Creamy or thick? Greasy or oily? Black finely ground pepper or coarse? (The answer is coarse, btw. Dont fuck up my pepper fetish.)
Bun? Wheat? Rye? Toasted? Buttered? Normal butter or clarified? Margarine or ... whatever that dollar-store bullshit is. (Srsly, look at the label of your butter and see if it is ACTUAL or just some mutant vegetable spread horse shit. They are trying to sneak in other kinds of ingredients, these days.)
And yeah.. relish. Honestly I have a ton of respect for cucumber-based condiments. Two of the absolute best ingredients I've ever tried were a cucumber-wasabi dressing (fuckin' fire, man. So fresh, so crisp.)
And a horseradish-pickle-coarse black pepper-sweetstyle concoction that I now put on fuggin EVERYTHING. Like.. bread'n'butter is nice, if you have no choice.. but wow, there should really, REALLY be labels to describe what kinda relish is in that bottle.
Bitter? Sweet? Vinegar content, acidity..
Anyway, long story made short.. I have no respect for the generic bullshit that is often found in family restaurant table-loadouts ~ you turn people off to other flavors, for the rest of their lives.
Some of the worst smells and flavors.. are never, ever matched with their respective true foods.
Hate red wine? Pair it with creamy pasta or fish.
Hate mustard? Hide it under a po' boy / cuban, and let the flavor roll around.. with the other ingredients. You'll never hate a subtle, spicy mustard again.
Love A1 sauce? Go kill yourself.
Hate the smell of malt vinegar? Spritz a few drops on your fries, instead of the fish.. in that next fish'n'chips. Spritz the fish with lemon or lime. The flavor will joyfully mesh, in that middle.
*ends my preaching, clicks reply* Food is life. Food is love. Also Shrek. But whatevs.