Ace Boobtoucher
Founder and Captain of the Douchepatrol
A few facts about the land down under:
The first photos from the 1969 moon landing were beamed to the rest of the world from Honeysuckle Tracking Station, near Canberra.
In 1856, stonemasons took action to ensure a standard of 8-hour working days, which then became recognised worldwide.
Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke set a world record for sculling 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds. Hawke later suggested that this was the reason for his great political success.
Each week, 70 tourists overstay their visas.
More than 85% of Australians live within 50km of the coast.
The world’s oldest fossil, which is about 3.4 billion years old, was found in Australia.
Australia’s first police force was made up of the most well-behaved convicts.
There were over one million feral camels in outback Australia, until the government launched the $19m Feral Camel Management Program, which aims to keep the pest problem under control.
Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia (mostly for meat production). Makes me wonder about the Saudis.
Australia is home to the longest fence in the world. It is 5,614 km long, and was originally built to keep dingoes away from fertile land.
Kangaroos and emus cannot walk backward, one of the reasons that they’re on the Australian coat of arms.
Melbourne has the world’s largest Greek population outside of Athens.
Before 1902, it was illegal to swim at the beach during the day.
A retired cavalry officer, Francis De Groot stole the show when the Sydney Harbour Bridge officially opened. Just as the Premier was about to cut the ribbon, De Groot charged forward on his horse and cut it himself, with his sword. The ribbon had to be retied, and De Groot was carted off to a mental hospital. He was later charged for the cost of one ribbon.
Prime Minister Harold Holt went for a swim at Cheviot Beach, and was never seen again.
Wombat poop is cube shaped! This helps it mark its territory.
The average Aussie drinks 96 litres of beer per year.
In 2005, security guards at Canberra’s Parliament House were banned from calling people ‘mate’. It lasted one day.
Moomba, Australia’s largest free festival, held in Melbourne, means ‘up your bum’ in many Aboriginal languages.
Each year, Brisbane hosts the world championships of cockroach racing.
In 1932, the Australian military waged war on the emu population of Western Australia. Embarrassingly, they lost.
In 1975, Australia had a government shutdown, which ended with the Queen firing everyone and the government starting again.
A bearded Australian was removed from a darts match in the UK, after the audience started chanting ‘Jesus!’ at him, distracting the players.
There have been instances of wallabies getting high after breaking into opium crops, then running around and making what look like crop circles.
The male lyrebird, which is native to Australia, can mimic the calls of over 20 other birds. If that’s not impressive enough, he can also perfectly imitate the sound of a camera, chainsaw and car alarm.
In 1979, debris from NASA’s space station ‘Skylab’ crashed in Esperance, WA. The town then fined NASA $400 for littering.
There currently a chlamydia outbreak among koala species, which has led to a 15% drop in koala populations.
Captain James Cook first landed on Australia’s east coast in 1770. In 1788, the British returned with eleven ships to establish a penal colony. Within days of The First Fleet’s arrival and the raising of the British flag, two French ships arrived, just too late to claim Australia for France.
Not every man in Aus is named Bruce. However, a lot of them are.
The first photos from the 1969 moon landing were beamed to the rest of the world from Honeysuckle Tracking Station, near Canberra.
In 1856, stonemasons took action to ensure a standard of 8-hour working days, which then became recognised worldwide.
Former Prime Minister Bob Hawke set a world record for sculling 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds. Hawke later suggested that this was the reason for his great political success.
Each week, 70 tourists overstay their visas.
More than 85% of Australians live within 50km of the coast.
The world’s oldest fossil, which is about 3.4 billion years old, was found in Australia.
Australia’s first police force was made up of the most well-behaved convicts.
There were over one million feral camels in outback Australia, until the government launched the $19m Feral Camel Management Program, which aims to keep the pest problem under control.
Saudi Arabia imports camels from Australia (mostly for meat production). Makes me wonder about the Saudis.
Australia is home to the longest fence in the world. It is 5,614 km long, and was originally built to keep dingoes away from fertile land.
Kangaroos and emus cannot walk backward, one of the reasons that they’re on the Australian coat of arms.
Melbourne has the world’s largest Greek population outside of Athens.
Before 1902, it was illegal to swim at the beach during the day.
A retired cavalry officer, Francis De Groot stole the show when the Sydney Harbour Bridge officially opened. Just as the Premier was about to cut the ribbon, De Groot charged forward on his horse and cut it himself, with his sword. The ribbon had to be retied, and De Groot was carted off to a mental hospital. He was later charged for the cost of one ribbon.
Prime Minister Harold Holt went for a swim at Cheviot Beach, and was never seen again.
Wombat poop is cube shaped! This helps it mark its territory.
The average Aussie drinks 96 litres of beer per year.
In 2005, security guards at Canberra’s Parliament House were banned from calling people ‘mate’. It lasted one day.
Moomba, Australia’s largest free festival, held in Melbourne, means ‘up your bum’ in many Aboriginal languages.
Each year, Brisbane hosts the world championships of cockroach racing.
In 1932, the Australian military waged war on the emu population of Western Australia. Embarrassingly, they lost.
In 1975, Australia had a government shutdown, which ended with the Queen firing everyone and the government starting again.
A bearded Australian was removed from a darts match in the UK, after the audience started chanting ‘Jesus!’ at him, distracting the players.
There have been instances of wallabies getting high after breaking into opium crops, then running around and making what look like crop circles.
The male lyrebird, which is native to Australia, can mimic the calls of over 20 other birds. If that’s not impressive enough, he can also perfectly imitate the sound of a camera, chainsaw and car alarm.
In 1979, debris from NASA’s space station ‘Skylab’ crashed in Esperance, WA. The town then fined NASA $400 for littering.
There currently a chlamydia outbreak among koala species, which has led to a 15% drop in koala populations.
Captain James Cook first landed on Australia’s east coast in 1770. In 1788, the British returned with eleven ships to establish a penal colony. Within days of The First Fleet’s arrival and the raising of the British flag, two French ships arrived, just too late to claim Australia for France.
Not every man in Aus is named Bruce. However, a lot of them are.
