Girlfriend never wants to have sex anymore!

[thegod]

I don't know what kind of advice I would get on this board, but I just wanted to vent a bit. Its similiar to the other thread of not satisfying thier partner.

My girlfriend of several years never wants to have sex anymore. She jsut doesn't feel like it. And i would want to have sex 2-3 times a week, and because we only do it once if i'm lucky, then it feels like I'm asking for it everyday. She feels a bit like all i want from her is sex, but that's not the case. I love her very much, she makes me very happy, but i really NEED to have sex.

We used to have sex everyday, but then it slowly slowly dimishes, from 6-7/week to twice weekly, now its like 2-3 times a month. Yesterday, we havn't had sex for 2 weeks, and she was getting her period next week, and I started kissing, and she wasn't into it. So i said straight up, do you want to have sex tonight? She said no, she was too tired and wanted to sleep.

Then i got REALLY angry, incessently angry. Not outwardly of course, i didn't show her my anger, but inside i was positivly nuclear. I just gave her a goodnight kiss and left like usual. But i was still teeming with rage. Now i just put it down to the testostorone making me horny and angry, it's usually not that severe. I get frustrated and angry every time she turns me down, this time was just bad because we hadn't had sex for 2 weeks, and won't for another week.

I was seriously considering going to a club then and there to pick up a chick to have sex with. But I had no-one to go with. I don't know what to do anymore. I was too angry last night to even masturbate to get it out of my system.

I know its a common problem amongst couples who have been together for a while. Maybe its the oral contraceptive pill reducing her libido, i read that it might.

I want to bring it up to her, how i love her completely and love our relationship, but I would like to have sex at least twice a week. But I don't know, if the girl doesn't feel like it, she doesn't feel like it. What can I do?

Personally, the way my mind works, i can distinguish love from sex, and I think i can have sex with other women, and still love my gf, and I don't have a sense of guilt. But I don't really want to, its just not right.

 

[DaveL81]

Have you talked to her about it? Have you told her everything that has been bothering you? If you love her, definitely go talk to her. Communication is one of the ways you find out if the relationship is "vice-versa".

Good luck

 

[member987]

Sexual maturity differs for each gender. How old is she?

 

[DOA82]

If you were ready to cheat on her to satisfy a basic sexual urge, then youve already mentally walked out of the relationship. If your girlfriend doesnt want sex and is emotionally distant from you, maybe she has to.

My girlfriend takes the oral contraceptive and it has never reduced her libido, depending how long yours has been on it, i doubt it is something that just happens over night, unless the pair of you have been having unprotected sex for a while now.

If you dont bring it up with her, then its not exactly going to magically make itself better, is it?

I love that last part though where you try to justify cheating on her, that really tickled me. Like having emotionless sex with someone else doesnt count as cheating, i swear it brought a tear to my eye!

Based on what you say and that last part (priceless by the way) your relationship is dying on its feet if not dead already.

 

[thegod]

we're both mid 20's

and i just want to make something clear, i would never ever cheat on her ever, or anyone. i was just venting my thoughts in regards to that. i was THAT frustrated, i wasn't making plans to, it was just thoughts. its about 12 hours later, and i'm still furious about it. I just can't help it

she's been on the OCP for several years now, and if you google, scientists suggest that i may reduce libido. theres not hard numbers though.

 

[Timbobjambo]

When was the last time you did something for her? Show her how much you love her do something romantic maybe that might help.

 

[ChefChiTown]

I don't know what kind of advice I would get on this board, but I just wanted to vent a bit. Its similiar to the other thread of not satisfying thier partner.

My girlfriend of several years never wants to have sex anymore. She jsut doesn't feel like it. And i would want to have sex 2-3 times a week, and because we only do it once if i'm lucky, then it feels like I'm asking for it everyday. She feels a bit like all i want from her is sex, but that's not the case. I love her very much, she makes me very happy, but i really NEED to have sex.

First of all, nobody NEEDS to have sex. I haven't had sex in like 6 years, but I'm still ok. Just stroke it when she's not home and deal with it.

We used to have sex everyday, but then it slowly slowly dimishes, from 6-7/week to twice weekly, now its like 2-3 times a month. Yesterday, we havn't had sex for 2 weeks, and she was getting her period next week, and I started kissing, and she wasn't into it. So i said straight up, do you want to have sex tonight? She said no, she was too tired and wanted to sleep.

Oh no, not 2 weeks without sex!!! :eek:

Then i got REALLY angry, incessently angry. Not outwardly of course, i didn't show her my anger, but inside i was positivly nuclear. I just gave her a goodnight kiss and left like usual. But i was still teeming with rage. Now i just put it down to the testostorone making me horny and angry, it's usually not that severe. I get frustrated and angry every time she turns me down, this time was just bad because we hadn't had sex for 2 weeks, and won't for another week.

Wow, not having sex makes you that angry? How old are you?

I was seriously considering going to a club then and there to pick up a chick to have sex with. But I had no-one to go with. I don't know what to do anymore. I was too angry last night to even masturbate to get it out of my system.

I love her very much...

HAHAHAHA...oh, you were serious?

You have dated this girl for "several years" and you seriously considered cheating on her just to get your rocks off? No, you don't love her.

Personally, the way my mind works, i can distinguish love from sex, and I think i can have sex with other women, and still love my gf, and I don't have a sense of guilt. But I don't really want to, its just not right.

What's your girlfriend's e-mail address? I want to copy and paste this to her so she can see how shallow and unloving her boyfriend is.

 

[Jagger69]

Not to worry you but have you considered the possibility that she is seeing someone else behind your back?

 

[DOA82]

Almost poetry chef!

 

[anomaly]

My girlfriend of several years never wants to have sex anymore.

You and your gf have some issue that is stopping you from being intimate. A lack of sex in a relationship is not a problem it is a symptom of something else. You two need to talk or maybe she is just ready to break up. Women usually stop sleeping with their dude when they are ready to leave. :yinyang:

 

[neighborboy]

As usual, some terrible "advice" being shared here. I was read an article last weekend about how women can lose their libido if the relationship is too good. It's a long read, but it might interest you. It's certain to be a better use of your time than this board. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine

 

[DOA82]

As usual, some terrible "advice" being shared here. I was read an article last weekend about how women can lose their libido if the relationship is too good. It's a long read, but it might interest you. It's certain to be a better use of your time than this board. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine

Were you intentionally looking to insult every person who contributed to the thread, or was that just a little icing on the cake?

 

[PartPlaya]

If you live in Minnesota i will go to the club with ya, and introduce you to some sluts!

 

[carl72]

You are in your 20s and have been together for years?

First of all, you are both two young for a serious relationship.

Go date other people. This isn't going to get better. If she loved you so much, she'd be having sex with you. Women who are wildly in love with and physically attracted to their man have sex with them because they want it worse then him.

You are her designated money machine security blanket for the future. Do you want someone who is 25 with the mindset of an old maid, or do you want to sleep with passionate sexy women?


Your choice.

 

[DOA82]

You are in your 20s and have been together for years?

First of all, you are both two young for a serious relationship.

Go date other people. This isn't going to get better. If she loved you so much, she'd be having sex with you. Women who are wildly in love with and physically attracted to their man have sex with them because they want it worse then him.

You are her designated money machine security blanket for the future. Do you want someone who is 25 with the mindset of an old maid, or do you want to sleep with passionate sexy women?


Your choice.

Thats an awful lot of assumptions there chuck.

 

[carl72]

Thats an awful lot of assumptions there chuck.

Not when you got experience. Then it's called wisdom.

 

[ChefChiTown]

As usual, some terrible "advice" being shared here. I was read an article last weekend about how women can lose their libido if the relationship is too good. It's a long read, but it might interest you. It's certain to be a better use of your time than this board. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?_r=1&ref=magazine

Why is it terrible advice? Just because we're all being honest?

First of all, you are saying that using this board for advice is a waste of time. But...didn't you just recommend some advice to him yourself...ON THIS BOARD?

Secondly, did you even read that article? Look...

Chivers, perhaps precisely because her investigations are incisive and her thinking so relentless, sometimes seemed on the verge of contradicting her own provisional conclusions. Talking about how her research might help women, she said that it could “shift the way women perceive their capacity to get turned on,” that as her lab results make their way into public consciousness, the noncategorical physiological responses of her subjects might get women to realize that they can be turned on by a wide array of stimuli, that the state of desire is much more easily reached than some women might think. She spoke about helping women bring their subjective sense of lust into agreement with their genital arousal as an approach to aiding those who complain that desire eludes them. But didn’t such thinking, I asked, conflict with her theory of the physiological and the subjective as separate systems? She allowed that it might. The giant forest seemed, so often, too complex for comprehension.

She might contradict her own conclusions? :dunno:

Then, when asked about her approach to helping women bring their "subjective sense of lust into agreement with their genital arousal", she agrees that it might conflict with her theory?

Yeah, good person to take advice from.

 

[neighborboy]

I don't mean that all the advice has been terrible, I only mean that insulting the guy and automatically coming to the conclusion that the relationship is doomed isn't helping.

I understand the desire to want to confide in complete strangers: it's a lot safer than confiding in friends. But on this board cleverness tends to be rewarded to such a degree that we usually tear people apart when try to open up emotionally. It ticks me off.

 

[DOA82]

I lost all respect for the guy with his attempts at justifing cheating. Saying "Oh Ill never do it" means nothing, if you wouldnt do it, why mention it? That ticks me off.

 

[carl72]

I don't mean that all the advice has been terrible, I only mean that insulting the guy and automatically coming to the conclusion that the relationship is doomed isn't helping.

I understand the desire to want to confide in complete strangers: it's a lot safer than confiding in friends. But on this board cleverness tends to be rewarded to such a degree that we usually tear people apart when try to open up emotionally. It ticks me off.

Why is telling him the relationship is doomed not helping when it is the truth? He has two choices, get out, or be happy with almost no sex. When women behave like that it is because they aren't attracted sexually anymore. If you are 20 something, and your girlfriend doesn't want it as much or more than you, there is a problem with the fundamental attraction dynamic of the relationship.

Insults have no place here though. I will agree wholeheartedly on that. But so far, I haven't read any.

Perhaps you could point one out?