Excaliburfilm.com - VOD, DVD, VHS

[boombingbang]

I'm just really in a rage and at a loss right now in dealing with this website here (excalibur that is). I'm just gonna flow, and as things go, I might blow, connect the dots and go.

So I'm trying to watch certains movies of the rare & hard to find persuasion that have this one chick in particular I've search the landshaft for throughout the course of many moon cycles. So I see this site has some of them available as for rental/download. THE chick is close. Me wants. I'll fucking pay, I'll fucking overpay, whatever to get what I want because money don't mean shit when I want to see fucking FLESH. So I go through the process of registering to this supposedly wonderful online rental site which was ranked number 1 on the particular site I was on at the time (and gonna do a review on those pricks once I get done with this bunch of friggin bolivians).

Anyway before the making commitment, I found that thinsg did indeed look wonderful there. I could surf around, find some of the particular content of interest, and I 'm then thinking this is just pure friggin gold, lots of the obscure, articles/info I couldn't find anywhere else. However...............However, go on and join now. If you did...you're screwed. The best you thing you have to look forward to is to getting a cookie cutter email with a the "Temporary" customer number. You think you'r weon the move now....nah....you're screwed. So I try to access the site with this shitty temp thing and then it all spirals righ to hell down , I can log in and view trailers & shot, BUT....I....can't....get...to.... what..... I.... want....

And all the while as the anticipation builds I'm squirmen & fidgeting around, out of my mind with thoughts of mounting lust and fucking, and expecting to see FLESH, penetration....I'm a-bout to see her fuc-king "PUSSY". So I'm learning very quickly that this prick site is not gonna let me do dis.
OK no problem then, I assume some domincan over there will expedite the process, produss and give me my fuc-king Num-ber and let me spend my money with them. But nah, not happen.ing. A ridculous amount of time passes in succesion, in between the emails I friggin sent requesting ASSITSTANCE, only answered automatically. Not a thing, no response, no support.

I have the emails that I slammed through their "Customer Service" section of the site. I know what Customer Service is to them and it's not what you think. They don't assist you....they really expect that you're gonna suck'em off.....Customer....Service....get it? Well, I need to stop and if you ever choiose to subsribe to one of these, the one Id recommend ispornpayperminute.com. If you decide to deal with fthese fuckos, then God bless ya and good luck


Four hours later: Email 1

I didn't save this one as its tame. I informed them, that four hours after I registered I can't access al lthat I wish to. A friendly reminder asking that I get what I need to enter. That's all

Four hours after that: Email 2:

Don't mean to wake you up, but I just wanted to send a quick update. It's now about 8 hours later and still....NO friggin member number. NO ability for me to perform the most fundamental and critical business transactions of your little site here, that is, the transactions that this entire website and socalled "business" you got going were built around.

Tell me, is this a serious business or what? I want to RENT MOVIES. Hell, I'll even pay you! Having joined here, an online video rental site, I was hoping that I might have the ability to do that, that is RENT MOVIES. But alas, it's 8 hours later and I'm doing this crap instead. Is this a real company? Is this businesss taken seriously by you folks or are you just a front to funnel and filter South American drug money? Please guys, I find it hard to believe that the process of facilitating new customers' access takes 8 minutes, forget about 8 friggin hours. Please just tell me you don't care and don't want my business and stop jerking me around if that's what it is. I would have canceled this travesty of a trial already if there weren't several selections that I see you have that I can't find elsewhere (at least your website CLAIMS to have them, but indeed it CLAIMS quite a lot of things, like that I can RENT MOVIES).

I will give you benefit of the doubt and let you try to turn this around. Please attend to this matter with more than an automatically generated email message. Here's the scoop: Want....Need...Access.
(I will even pay you cash money too - I'm real good like that)

If you can't make this happen, I'm afraid this just won't work out, though I'll miss these little moments we share in these correspondences even though it seems there's just me talking to you email server...but, hey, at least that responds in timely fashion.

Disgruntingly,
Boom

Four hours later: Email 3:

Hi again,

I sure hope you are enjoying yourself and, in general, I hope that a fantastic day is the only kind of day you have or ever will know.

Just wanted to let you know that I am making a change to my credit card info. Whereas this site was once set to receive regular monies payments of cash money from me as facilitated via my credit card's special magical properties, well I have recently used my magical wand such that the card has now been transfigurized. More precisely, I have casted a counter charm upon the card and now what i just said up there regarding your periodic receipt of new money cash monies, well it doesn't apply anymore. That is, the possiblity of that money flow from me to you...poof!...into thin air.

I found another site, that you probably know (or maybe it's the same owners as this site, hence the piss poor service & apathy). Either way, I say so long and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors. Perhaps you can use this site's webspace and bandwidth and turn it into a photo journal so that we can see the fun you're having while your out and about and this business is about to be out (whoa, I even impressed myself with that line - you like how I flipped that around like that?)

Moving on, if you folks are serious about this site beyond letting Keyser Soze use it as part if his cartel's book cooking buffet, I recommend you go see pornpayperminute.com. There you may be interested to observe how it should be done, how a "professional" organization get things done. I just registered there in fact not to long ago, then went to take a piss, and within about 15 seconds after I came back to the computer and sat down, I logged on the site and got right into the friggin gravy, right into the goods, AND NO FREAKIN CUSTomER NUMBER/PERMENANT NUMBER CRRRRRAAAAPPPPP. I was amazed at the efficiency of the operation, and all the while BIG TITS were bobblin all over my monitor - they were flying around about as fast as the approach of this site's mass exodus of it's entire customer base. Thanks for wasting my time, you Haitian-spamming, viagra-shilling bastards. Every porn community portal I visit, and its many, I will be glowing as I retell this amazing experience I have had with your friggin email server. I'm actually gonna miss that damn thing, you and your people, your team of incompetents, not so much

-Boom

A couple minutes later, I can't cancel: Email 4

Well it seems you people just can't get enough of me. It seems that I need the ever illusive and fancy smancy "Permanent" Customer Number in order to process my cancelation. Ya see, this here "Temperary" Customer Number one, yeah it's about as useful as tits on a bull and I hope your system's designer is working at McDonald's right now and burning his fingers in the fryolator.

Pro favore.....when ciesta finally ends in 2-3 days, or whatever, kindly wipe my info from you database. Don't charge me a dime on that credit card and send me confirmation of completion OR at least aknowledge receipt of my messages...... ***EMAIL ME**** and turn off that damn automatic email server.

Bye,
Boom

 

[boombingbang]

By the way, this is probably the wroing place for this thread, as I said I'm a bit out of it. Apologies but that site still sucks though

 

[boombingbang]

Another day another nuclear assault. I have been loonking for alternative email addresses at this shit hole. Well, the only one I could find was for some kind of affiliated Auction site. That's where I sent this message below. Not sure where to exactly, since it was through a webform email thing. Well whatever, things are gonna get worse for these people who advertise services they don't really provide.

Hi there. Sorry to intrude and for everything hereafter. I'm sure your a fine person, and if I had a conscious, I'd feel a bit guilty. But unfortunately you are mixed up in an organization with a business culture so corrupt it demands I be a complete a dick and then, and only then, MAYBE someone will give me a brief moment or two of their precious time and even a bit of assistance if that isn't beneath ya'll. As I say, your site here is affiliated with the Excaliburfilm site, I'm afraid I must grasp for straws and any other email addresses in any other section I can find, since the one they provide on their site, on a page misleadingly labeled, "Customer Service" is dog shit. It's more likely that I could procure bettert help & service if I got up from the compuer and tried to reach to contact you by screaming your name into an electrical socket. It's a fuckin joke.

So, I'm hoping that maybe your corner of the enterprise here is run and controlled independently and by someone - and maybe others as well - who have at the very very least a forced, disingenuios, and affrontery (for the camara's, ya know) semblance of self respect and pride in their business here, Now to be honest, I couldn't give a squirt of piss, two squirts, do I hear three squirts, sold, if you like/care about/hate this line of work here or not. Don't care. In fact if you killed someone and ate them, I'd still hang with ya to bullshit, have a beer, talk about the whores we FUCK behind our wives' backs and so forth. It's all good.

So finally here's the pay-off pitch: What I want is someone to fucking pay attention and right now...

I joined that shitshop website over there because I wanted to JERK-OFF many many times, until I saw scabs form. I wanted to JERK-OFF to a few of the choice selections they claim they have there,. Afterall, a little bit of smut can indeedily calm the soul and, on the broader societel & civic level, helps to keep our prisons much less densely populated with RAPISTS. So at some point after registering at Excalibur, ie within the last 24 hours nd $600 worth of crack, I just gave up. I thought to myself...these people can't be serious. I'm was thinkin... they just don't care. They're doing blow and fuckin right now..... nah, they couldn't care less - and neither would I. Not at all...that is, if I wasn't the guy gettin fucked by them! I would be envious indeed,instead of the piece of foul mouthed filth you see spitting venom before you. I tried & tried but I can't get a human fucking being to help from there, not a mexican either, to just acknowledge that, oh yes, sir, you're a new client! Coffee? Well, here's what you need to do this, You watch this shit here, then you can jerk off over and over AND OVERMOTHER FUCKER! Have a grrrrreat day and thank you for choosing Excalibur!

Now, maybe you know such a person within your organization who lies outside of the channels of communication that I have been futilely screaming into in the hope for some kind of anything, other than nothing. All I want is for either your side of the Internets to cancel my trial AND THE PURCHASE TRANSACTION ON THE CARD.....OR.....let me handle it, by sending me that mother-loving normal customer ID number or whatever you call it, so I can complete the necessary transaction myself on the site before I have it perma-banned from ever being able to appear in my damn browser again. That's all. I've asked so many times. and it's such a simple request. Please help and please let me help you to never have to see me again and out of your life forever. And finally I was just thinking that Excalibur, is quite a fitting name. Wanna know why? Of course you don't, so here it comes: because it seems as though the person responsible for that site's success and progress has his head stuck up his ass so tightly and snuggly not even fuckin King Arthur couldn't help him. That's all I got, at least for the next 6-8 hours. 6-8 hours I feel is more than enough time to epedite closure of this issue. I'm looking forward to resolution, our reconciliation, & especially our parting of the ways for all time. Oh and if your site is not affiliated with them and you do not know anyone there, please just ignore that what you saw up there.

Regards,
Boom

 

[boombingbang]

It's been about 35 hours since this all started and still no replies, no aknowledgement, no death threats yet but I'm working on it. But I've now reached an optimistic outlook on all this. Yeah, I think now maybe this will turn out to be a pretty cool arrangement afterall:

Hello, I just love talking to myself. I notice these automatic emails I get are signed by a "Virginia". Beautiful name. A chick. NICE!

Well, Virginia, I think we've now reached the point where your naked pictures won't bring us resolution & healing but only serve as the starting point of years of sexual servitude. Please forward at your convenience and I'll look at them myself, judge whether this will be a "fuck & suck" type situation or a "sweep, wash, launder, dust, & suck" one, and get back to you.

 

[slikpulla152]

ur not supposed to take threads and make a fucking blog out of it :1orglaugh

 

[boombingbang]

ur not supposed to take threads and make a fucking blog out of it :1orglaugh

You must like my dick in your mouth. Keep it up, fucko. I'm gonna enjoy the uncharted depths of savagery I'll reach.

 

[slikpulla152]

^^^

 

[boombingbang]

^^ say boy,

talking shit on the internet... doesn't mean a mutherfucking thing but I will beat your azz if I were to ever see you.

This post is what I was waiting for and what you said what I would love to see happen. Not once did I threaten you physical harm, though the thought is pleasurable I am above expressing it. If you reach 400 posts on this board without a major character shift, I think you will be quite lucky.

 

[slikpulla152]

i wouldn't give a fuck... :1orglaugh :rofl:

 

[slikpulla152]

"Bring the ban if they want. I've done nothing to warrant it but particpate, get harrassed, and then kicked the attacker's ass. This is a defense beating I'm laying out and a board that don't allow that can kiss it. Let the trash run wild and unchecked then. Have fun"

^^FROM "THE DON'TS OF PORN" THREAD^^

"You must like my dick in your mouth. Keep it up, fucko. I'm gonna enjoy the uncharted depths of savagery I'll reach."

"Not once did I threaten you physical harm"

 

[slikpulla152]

^^^ :1orglaugh

 

[boombingbang]

"Bring the ban if they want. I've done nothing to warrant it but particpate, get harrassed, and then kicked the attacker's ass. This is a defense beating I'm laying out and a board that don't allow that can kiss it. Let the trash run wild and unchecked then. Have fun"

^^FROM "THE DON'TS OF PORN" THREAD^^

"You must like my dick in your mouth. Keep it up, fucko. I'm gonna enjoy the uncharted depths of savagery I'll reach."

"Not once did I threaten you physical harm"

Metaphor is obviously above your perceptive capabilities. These references you quote are out of context and don't compare to "will kick your ass" nor PM's that state the same thing, now as that phrase I mention is also cut out of context, it's meaning is the same in any. You can't handle me with words, intellect, so you go THERE. Why do you keep harrassing me then when you know I can METAPHORICALLY fuck your mouth til you gag & vomit?

Reflect on this and formulate your repentence & apology.

 

[slikpulla152]

You must like my dick in your mouth. Keep it up, fucko.

this isn't harrassment...? :thumbsup:

you obviously haven't heard of the ignore list...

 

[boombingbang]

Say it in here, stupid.

 

[slikpulla152]

Say it here, stupid.

this isn't harrassment...?

 

[boombingbang]

That's a nice tactic: turning the tables. Of course you need the intelligence to pull it off. Who started this, huh? You fucking stupid cunt. OOOOHHH look I called you a stupid cunt, I must have harrassed you! ***post rofl-like-a-mf'er smilely here***

 

[slikpulla152]

^^

You must like my dick in your mouth. Keep it up, fucko. I'm gonna enjoy the uncharted depths of savagery I'll reach.

that's what started this :thumbsup:

 

[boombingbang]

Did that piss you off?

Let's see 1) you don't like when I mistake you for a girl and 2) that up there got your goat.

I'll have you all figured out as we go along. In fact, I'll be able to make a composite sketch and I'll bet I'll be a motherfucker if it don't look like my cock AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ALL THIS MYCOCK-YOURMOUTH OSMOSIS THAT'S GOING ON...YOU WOMAN, YOU GIRL, YOU CUNTY BLEEDING BITCHY SWEETHEART YOU!! WHEN WE FUCKIN? WHEN YOU GONNA BEAT MY ASS? WHEN!?!?!?!? I'LL MARK MY CALENDARRRRRKJGASGKGBASKJ$@$#^

 

[Ax3C]

Did that piss you off?

Let's see 1) you don't like when I mistake you for a girl and 2) that up there got your goat.

I'll have you all figured out as we go along. In fact, I'll be able to make a composite sketch and I'll bet I'll be a motherfucker if it don't look like my cock AND NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ALL THIS MYCOCK-YOURMOUTH OSMOSIS THAT'S GOING ON...YOU WOMAN, YOU GIRL, YOU CUNTY BLEEDING BITCHY SWEETHEART YOU!! WHEN WE FUCKIN? WHEN YOU GONNA BEAT MY ASS? WHEN!?!?!?!? I'LL MARK MY CALENDARRRRRKJGASGKGBASKJ$@$#^

Can y'all take this - WHATEVER IT IS - to P.M.'s, please? Just askin' ... :hatsoff:

 

[boombingbang]

Thanks dude, but I deliberately took it FROM private messaging. I will have third-party resolution or continue to drop warheads.

Either this dude will either stop his shit, get tossed, or I'll get tossed. I appreciate it but I don't take to getting harrassed lightly and I definitely go INSANE when someone makes a physical threat....and by the way if anyone can read this and not say they love it, then, man, I'd say take up fishing or darts or something. This is gold.