Dino Velvet, What's Your Deal?

[FreeOnes_Adam]

For reals though. Are you Vince McMahon? What's your life like? Are you really from LA? I adore LA. Write me a bio of you. I like having you here. I'm curious. And perhaps a bit high.

 

[Torre82]

True fact: 90% of all topics are either created-by, or thoroughly posted-in, by Mister Velvet.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Dino, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Dino throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn’t you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Dino decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me, when someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human!'”

 

[pool_hustler]

Having at one time lived in The City Of Angels I can attest that Dino's detailed descriptions of his environs are completely accurate, right down to the correct directions to multiple fast foods joints in the area.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

For reals though. Are you Vince McMahon? What's your life like? Are you really from LA? I adore LA. Write me a bio of you. I like having you here. I'm curious. And perhaps a bit high.

Thanks for allowing me to stay here. You've always been nice to me. Sorry if anyone has ever given you grief over me.

I'll do a Q&A if you want. I'll start with the ones you listed already.

Are you Vince McMahon?
No but I've been told enough I look like him that I've learned to impersonate his voice too. I do the Mr McMahon gimmick to my wife at times when I feel especially bossy. If you put a wig on my shaved head and had me wear one of his light blue WWF sport coats from the 1980s I'd look like a middle-aged version of him.

What's your life like?
My life is good. Easy with no stress. I'm an only ***** who inherited money. I don't need to work so I have plenty of time to start threads here.

Are you really from LA?
I was born at St John's Hospital in Santa Monica. That's LA County. I grew up in Westwood.

Having at one time lived in The City Of Angels I can attest that Dino's detailed descriptions of his environs are completely accurate, right down to the correct directions to multiple fast foods joints in the area.

I know my way around fast food. I also learned about the good Persian Restaurants having my neighbors blindfold me, throw me in the back of a van, drive me there, then unblindfold me so I can walk in and request a nice table.

BTW, I love The Californians from SNL. Pretty accurate right down to the way we give directions and argue about traffic and the best way to get to Zankou Chicken on Sepulveda south of Santa Monica just east of the 405 right between the Poke' Shop and the weed store.

 

[Supafly]

 

[D-rock]

Bald head? I always imagined you as somebody with long hair and a goatee. True, I know I had no logical sensible reason to assume that, but now I will have to scrub years worth of my imaginary image of you from my head.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Thanks 'fly. You know my taste in porno and I have my own daily show called Punishing Percy to Jeanine Pirro. Sometimes it runs 3 times a day.

Hey, come on in and stay for a bit. I'll even buy you a ***** to show my appreciation.:glugglug:

Here's to 'ya...

 

[xfire]

What I know Dino likes: wrestling, fast food, horror movies, weed, Oriental prostitutes, GMC Trucks, and shootin' the **** on a porn forum, he good.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Oriental prostitutes

Oriental is a rug. The saggy old gooks I throw 5 twenties at are clean shaven.

Shame on you...

 

[FOUser#4510856320198a]

True fact: 90% of all topics are either created-by, or thoroughly posted-in, by Mister Velvet.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Dino, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Dino throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well wouldn’t you know it my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Dino decides to enter me in the Breeders Cup, right? Under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me, when someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, ‘Don’t shoot him, he’s a human!'”

That, itself, justified the click.

 

[Torre82]

That, itself, justified the click.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Dino took me out to go get a ***** with him? We go off lookin’ for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally, DV takes me into a vacant lot and says, “Here we are!” Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Dino yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found them!'”

“Did I ever tell you about the time Dino Velvet ****** me to wear a woman’s bikini around the office? Dino tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman’s bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I’ll be damned if my sales hadn’t tripled.”

“Velvet’s semen can form into a liquid human – like the guy from ‘Terminator 2'”

True stories.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

“Did I ever tell you about the time Dino took me out to go get a ***** with him? We go off lookin’ for a bar and we can’t find one. Finally, DV takes me into a vacant lot and says, “Here we are!” Well, we sat there for a year and a half. Sure enough, someone constructed a bar around us! Well, the day they opened it, we ordered a shot, drank it and then burnt the place to the ground. Dino yelled over the roar of the flames, ‘Always leave things the way you found them!'”

Hey, pretty good.

“Did I ever tell you about the time Dino Velvet ****** me to wear a woman’s bikini around the office? Dino tears off my clothes and makes me wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing a woman’s bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily. But at the end of the quarter, I’ll be damned if my sales hadn’t tripled.”

First one was hard to follow. I'm sure some people like though.

 

[FreeOnes_Adam]

Oriental is a rug.

Ha! I cringed at that myself

Next time I'm in LA, you should come say hi. I usually have a vape pen of the good stuff on me

SOMEBODY around here still owes me a meet. I won't say any (Ace Boobtoucher) names, but yeah.

 

[Torre82]

“He showers in grain *******!”

“He date ***** David Bowie.”

“So anyways, Dino would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra “Beverly”. He taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, DV had to shoot the maid.”

“One time I asked DV to dress up like Santa for a Christmas party I was throwing for my ********. Yeah, that’s them, *points* that’s them. Well Dino shows up as Santa, reaches into his bag and says: I’ve got goodies for you ****. He proceeds to hand out scrap metal and cigarettes to them. Then he takes off his beard and says: There is no Santa ’cause I ate him!'”

“Did I ever tell you about the time Velvet was in a production of, ‘The King & I?’ On opening night, DV *********** the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.”

“He ****** eight hours a night! Well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.”

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Ha! I cringed at that myself

I know. I still feel dirty.

 

[xfire]

Sorry fellas, no offense intended.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

Sorry fellas, no offense intended.

You and me are good like co-conspirators but how do you make Jackie Mason whole again? Your unfashionable comment enraged him to the point his face looks like a melting candle. When he whines he sounds like he's underwater kinda like the reanimated drowned couple from Creepshow.

"Whhhhhat yyyyyou sssssaid wwwwas verrrrrrrrry offffffffffensive, yyyyyyyyou know.
Iiiiiiiiiiffff youuuuuuuu can hold your brrrrrrreath."

 

[Torre82]

Sorry fellas, no offense intended.

Almost politically correct. Almost.

 

[meesterperfect]

He kicked my dog.

 

[Little Red Wagon Repairman]

He kicked my dog.

That was to tenderize before I ate her. You no eat dog?