Decades long lovers ...

[Member2019]

Been off-line for the weekend, and I will probably be off-line a good amount over the holiday season as I get to spend most of my time with my wife. Been wanting to write up some witty statements or some insightful poll asking those of us who have been with the same lover for decades now what we think or hold dear. But I could not really come up with anything witty enough, and I'm sure many tire of my long, drawn out posts anyway.

Today, as I was out with my wife, it hit me after I was reminded of our earliest of years when we were just two poor (financially), young adults with nothing (except increasing debt) but we refused to be apart. I was then reminded of everything she has done for myself, and going forward, all I could think of is how I hurt her at times. Yes, most were small and petty things, but still, sometimes I hurt her at the wrong moments. Then I just realized something, and maybe you guys that have been with your lovers for decade can confirm.

When you think back through all your experiences and history with your significant, long-term love, do you not remember a single time they realistically/significantly wronged you?

That's what I realized today. I can think of many stupid, inconsiderate and even a few very hurtful things I did to my wife. But when I strained to even think of a single thing she did that was wrong to me, I could not. All I could think of is how much she makes me feel alive, how much she has been there when I needed her, and how virtually any time I was upset with her, it was over nothing and I should have looked at how I was viewing the situation instead of being mad at her.

She has done nothing but bring me joy, and I have so, so, so many experiences -- by far the most of anything -- that are just pure delight. I also feel like we've had just a few less joyous moments in our lives together because I made so many stupid arguments or other judgment that were not warranted or just downright petty. I honestly can't remember a single instance with my wife where she even deserved to be yelled or otherwise barked back, no where she did anything wrong to me, and virtually no inconsiderations on her part of any note.

Yeah, I did it again, this has become a long post again. Sorry. But I could really use some input from some of you that have been around with your lovers for a long time. I know that's a small minority of the board, but I know there are still many of you here, and you are more open minded than what I'd find on other boards.

- Is it that I have the perfect wife who does nothing wrong?
- Or is it that long-term lovers only remember the best of others?

- Is it that true lovers only get upset over stupid things, and when you step back, you realize you get upset because you (not her) get upset?
- And is it because true lovers are such good fits that its only because I make things an issue in my marriage that we have any negative times?

Or am I just living a fantasy or some other delusion or just can't look at reality in the correct way? It utterly confused me today because I honestly felt more in-love with my wife after thinking deeping about all our time together (ironically, while we were out shopping) than any other time (at least recently or as I can remember). I honestly felt like I just realized how much I loved her, in all bareness and completeness.

Just random thoughts. Please comment however you see fit, even if you're not someone with a decades long lover. This is not some trick or some experiment, just an honest set of comments and questions. I won't be around much in December, especially not after this week, so I won't be around much to respond so it is really something I'm leaving for discussion.

 

[Will E Worm]

Been off-line for the weekend, and I will probably be off-line a good amount over the holiday season as I get to spend most of my time with my wife. . Then I just realized something, and maybe you guys that have been with your lovers for decade can confirm.

Good job. :thumbsup:

 

[dave_rhino]

Glad things are looking up for you.

 

[Christmas_Ape]

I said it before, and I'll say it again, you need *****!

 

[Peter Gazinya]

Is it that I have the perfect wife who does nothing wrong?
- Or is it that long-term lovers only remember the best of others?

- Is it that true lovers only get upset over stupid things, and when you step back, you realize you get upset because you (not her) get upset?
- And is it because true lovers are such good fits that its only because I make things an issue in my marriage that we have any negative times?

Or am I just living a fantasy or some other delusion or just can't look at reality in the correct way? It utterly confused me today because I honestly felt more in-love with my wife after thinking deeping about all our time together (ironically, while we were out shopping) than any other time (at least recently or as I can remember). I honestly felt like I just realized how much I loved her, in all bareness and completeness.

Those aren't the only options. I make no assumptions about you or her, I only offer alternative musings as to the dynamic of your relationship.

You Might:

- have a "seemingly perfect" wife who does nothing wrong, when you're around.

- have a doormat for a wife, who's self esteem was sucked after long before you came along, and is just thankful there is a man who, at least most of the time, loves her and wouldn't dare voice any discontent with you.

- have a wife who really doesn't care, or listen to, what you say, as long as the money keeps coming into the joint checking account

- have the most laid back wife in the world who tolerates your rantings, and dismisses the negatives as short-lived stress release, and yes, loves you unconditionally

- You Might not be as much of a **** as you sometimes think you are. Your perception of overblown anger at trivial things may be her perception of you passionately caring about even the smallest details in life.

I have no idea, just adding more fodder for the discusion.

 

[Member2019]

Good response! Thank you for such thoughts ...

You might:
- have a "seemingly perfect" wife who does nothing wrong, when you're around.

True, and people have significant others with "other lives" they never see.
I've been with her nearly 15 years now, living together well over a decade married, so the chance is more slim than others of less time.
But it's still a possibility, I have to agree and admit to that.

- have a doormat for a wife, who's self esteem was sucked after long before you came along, and is just thankful there is a man who, at least most of the time, loves her and wouldn't dare voice any discontent with you.

Both she and I have had this discussion both ways, especially after I read a book by a psychologist shortly after we first met.
The psychologist stated that allegedly unattractive people statistically stay together more because they have less options.
I can't disregard that, because even if it's just the perception that allegedly unattractive people have less options and not reality, it's still a perception that people adhere to when they consider their options.

At the same time, I lust heavily for my wife, like I do Devyn Devine, women like Maria Moore and many others.
Doesn't mean I don't think Erica Rose Campbell is beautiful, or Shay Laren, but I honestly don't want them as lovers as much as the former women.
Some say this is because I don't have the options, and even I've admitted that women like ERC or Shay would not be worth the effort/competition, especially if the other women I love are right there, and not as lusted after.

At the same time, when I was in high school and at the peak of my athleticism, I was not intimate with women until I dated FFW.
And that started because of my first view of Petra Verkaik, who made me first think that I wanted a busty brunette.
I still dated two women after experiencing a FFW, but I could not find myself even remotely as turned on by their form (and not just the difference in common bust or other "single attribute").

I quickly realized it was the width of the body, the hourglass, the oversized proportion, making everything fuller and more curvy in my eyes.
And I still prefer very slender women, even hardbodies like Donna Ewin, but they are wider women and of proportion.
I don't like the majority of BBWs at all, only a few, and I now find even Kerry Marie to be unhealthy with her newfound gut (even if she still has a sweet face).

I think my universal love has been the alleged "butterface" because I've loved such since I can remember, even before the thin "trophies" I dated as a football player before viewing Petra and having my first FFW.
This was when I was thin, extremely athletic and not because I would gain weight later.

So maybe I've found a woman who thinks the same of me, and even when she first met me, she said she could not believe how attractive I was.
Her ****** met my ****** and thought he was extremely attractive as well, especially since my ****** is very young looking.
So maybe I've met a woman that has the same viewpoints and attractions, I can only assume from time, experience with her and belief that she is honest.

But it could be not so perfect, I know, I have to admit that.

- have a wife who really doesn't care, or listen to, what you say, as long as the money keeps coming into the joint checking account

Nope, she's a thrifty woman period, and we had no money for a long time in our early years.

- have the most laid back wife in the world who tolerates your rantings, and dismisses the negatives as short-lived stress release, and yes, loves you unconditionally

I hope!

- you might not be as much of a **** as you sometimes think you are. Your perception of overblown anger at trivial things may be her perception of you passionately caring about even the smallest details in life.

Nah, she'll tell me when I'm outta line.
Although the one thing she repeatedly said she likes about me is that I admit when I'm wrong.
She says its scares people, especially when I'm reserved on things I don't know, and I'm forward in the few areas where I am experienced and educated.

Although I still wonder how much of it is really physical, and not just compensation for emotional, social or intellectual interaction.
She says I'm beautiful physically, but I've honestly never believed that.
But she gets me off, physically, just looking at me more than any other woman.

Much like Devyn Devine always finds her way into my movie player, I just desire a woman of a total summation unlike any other, and can't explain it.

I have no idea, just adding more fodder for the discusion.

No, no, good stuff!