Do Girls actually poop? or is it just us men, animals, and llamas that shit...
Or do some girls make even worse craps and farts then guys... And that farting and shitting is overrated within guys ?
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Lets face it, there is probably nothing more theraputic than taking a good shit. My father once told me that the secret to eternal bliss is to shit the blues away.
There are many ways that one can take a shit. Throughout Britain there are two prominent methods, the most popular of which is taking a shit through the mouth. This happens all too often and is best witnessed with politicans, the clergy and Razorlight.
The other way is to squat and squeeze - preferably on a toilet. Personally this is my favourite way to eek one out.
You can make taking a shit work for you professionally too. Are you always short for time? Why not try brushing your teeth whilst taking a shit?
Does breakfast consume far too much time altogether? Shit and eat on the John at once.
When It Goes Wrong
Shitting is not always a pleasure as Elvis would testify if he was still with us. It is possible to literally shit your brains out. Shitting your brains out usually results in a burning ring and excess consumption of toilet paper.
If you are very unfortunate you might end up shitting on the bottom of the bowl. This is most taxing but it can be easily remedied by a brave hand and a piece of toilet paper.
The aim of the game is to wipe any hanging clusters of diahorrea into the promised land (i.e. the bowl).
If you do not feel up to the challenge you can instead simply place a piece of tissue over the clinger and then flush.
This method is not always effective and can leave a nasty brown trail - particularly if the shit is a reluctant little bastard.
Shitting for weight loss
Some people have become so fond of taking a shit that they can literally not stop. Football Managers are prime examples of this.
The excess chewing of gum ends up tearing the hell out of their large intestine, resulting in almost everything being expelled from their body at once.
These scat-addicts have become so well accustomed to their shit fix that they literally spend 60% of their time downing the brown.
Are you concerned that a friend of yours may be shitting for weight loss? There are several tell tale signs. Firstly when you go shopping with them do they head for the toilet paper section first?
Do they inadvertantly slip phrases such as "double quilted", "dimpled" or "I need a shit" regularly into conversation? Are there fingernails usually a weird shade of beige? If you answered yes to any of these your friend may be a scat addict.
Not being able to take a shit
There is nothing I fear more than not being able to have a good shit. If the brown hasn't came to visit for a week I start becoming overly emotional. I start questioning the purpose of my life.
Everything stops. I'm onto the Samaritans for at least three hours a day. Do not make the same mistakes I have made! Instead of ringing a suicide hotline go to your local supermarket and buy one of the following products.
Prune Juice
A copy of the World Weekly News
Bran Flakes
If everything goes to plan you should be shitting like a right shit hawk within the hour for the next week or two. However, before taking any laxatives I seriously recommend that you make plans for your stay away in scatland.
I suggest that you bring in a lengthy novel. Try Hard Times by Charles Dickens. It will increase your ability to shit as well.
You might also want to bring in a record player and a few CD's. Personally I love shitting to Orinoco Flow by Enya. Oh how I can relate to that song whilst sitting on the bog.
As the shit geysers out of my arse I'm reminded about how my worries are sailing away with the shit. I'm in paradise and you will be too.
Or do some girls make even worse craps and farts then guys... And that farting and shitting is overrated within guys ?
-------
Lets face it, there is probably nothing more theraputic than taking a good shit. My father once told me that the secret to eternal bliss is to shit the blues away.
There are many ways that one can take a shit. Throughout Britain there are two prominent methods, the most popular of which is taking a shit through the mouth. This happens all too often and is best witnessed with politicans, the clergy and Razorlight.
The other way is to squat and squeeze - preferably on a toilet. Personally this is my favourite way to eek one out.
You can make taking a shit work for you professionally too. Are you always short for time? Why not try brushing your teeth whilst taking a shit?
Does breakfast consume far too much time altogether? Shit and eat on the John at once.
When It Goes Wrong
Shitting is not always a pleasure as Elvis would testify if he was still with us. It is possible to literally shit your brains out. Shitting your brains out usually results in a burning ring and excess consumption of toilet paper.
If you are very unfortunate you might end up shitting on the bottom of the bowl. This is most taxing but it can be easily remedied by a brave hand and a piece of toilet paper.
The aim of the game is to wipe any hanging clusters of diahorrea into the promised land (i.e. the bowl).
If you do not feel up to the challenge you can instead simply place a piece of tissue over the clinger and then flush.
This method is not always effective and can leave a nasty brown trail - particularly if the shit is a reluctant little bastard.
Shitting for weight loss
Some people have become so fond of taking a shit that they can literally not stop. Football Managers are prime examples of this.
The excess chewing of gum ends up tearing the hell out of their large intestine, resulting in almost everything being expelled from their body at once.
These scat-addicts have become so well accustomed to their shit fix that they literally spend 60% of their time downing the brown.
Are you concerned that a friend of yours may be shitting for weight loss? There are several tell tale signs. Firstly when you go shopping with them do they head for the toilet paper section first?
Do they inadvertantly slip phrases such as "double quilted", "dimpled" or "I need a shit" regularly into conversation? Are there fingernails usually a weird shade of beige? If you answered yes to any of these your friend may be a scat addict.
Not being able to take a shit
There is nothing I fear more than not being able to have a good shit. If the brown hasn't came to visit for a week I start becoming overly emotional. I start questioning the purpose of my life.
Everything stops. I'm onto the Samaritans for at least three hours a day. Do not make the same mistakes I have made! Instead of ringing a suicide hotline go to your local supermarket and buy one of the following products.
Prune Juice
A copy of the World Weekly News
Bran Flakes
If everything goes to plan you should be shitting like a right shit hawk within the hour for the next week or two. However, before taking any laxatives I seriously recommend that you make plans for your stay away in scatland.
I suggest that you bring in a lengthy novel. Try Hard Times by Charles Dickens. It will increase your ability to shit as well.
You might also want to bring in a record player and a few CD's. Personally I love shitting to Orinoco Flow by Enya. Oh how I can relate to that song whilst sitting on the bog.
As the shit geysers out of my arse I'm reminded about how my worries are sailing away with the shit. I'm in paradise and you will be too.
