(Note: The "Sally" in this tale is the same Sally who features in my story "The Stranger that Wasn't". This tale goes back to her love-'em-and-leave-'em days).
SATURDAY MORNING.
Let's not mince words. Sally has the hots for a German immigrant neighbour named Siegfried. He is a devout practitioner of some Christian denomination--Sally doesn't know nor care which. Siegfried knows Sally wants his body and is disgusted with her intent to fornicate. But Sally is undaunted.
She knocks on his door. His greeting is less than warm: "What?"
"Oh hi, Hot Stuff. Uh . . . " Sally reaches for an excuse to knock on his door. "How are your clarinet lessons going?"
Siegfried knows that's not the reason she's here. He smiles sarcastically and answers "Nicely. Is that all?"
"Well" she begins, and looks downward. She looks up. "While I'm here . . . could we screw today?".
Siegfried erupts: "Unter keinen Umstanden! Nicht einiges Mal! Nicht einmal Nahe!" (When he's angry, he forgets to speak English).
"Is that a yes?" asks Sally. Siegfried smiles sarcastically again.
When he calms down, he explains "I'm Catholic. I wouldn't dream of doing that outside of marriage"
Sally: "Well I'm just what the doctor ordered! When you're possessed by the devil, I'll gladly fuck the Hell out of you!" Again, Siegfried smiles sarcastically.
Sally holds her chin in her hand and says "Catholic, huh? So no meat Fridays . . . I could masturbate Fridays." She nods her head. "And Sunday mornings, you're in church-"
Siegfried cuts her off. "Sally, you just don't get it!"
Sally: "No. But I'd like to get it . . . from you!"
Siegfried shuts the door on her face.
ONE HOUR LATER
Siegfried watches some TV, some shit like Little House on the Prairie. One is used to watching the show and resenting the ads. But the shitty show gives way to an ad for Baywatch. Now we're talkin'. After a few seconds of T & A, Siegfried's hand goes between his thighs. He withdraws it swiftly and says "Nein, ich bin night geil!" (No, I'm not horny!)
SUNDAY
Siegfried watches another gripping show: The Waltons. On comes an ad for Baywatch again. His hand goes between his thighs again. Bad, bad hand! He withdraws his hand again. "Nein, ich bin noch immer nicht geil!" (No, I'm still not horny!) His bad, bad hand goes back between his thighs. "Was ist los? Ich glaube ich bin vom Teufel bessessen!!" (What's wrong? I believe I'm being possessed by the devil!).
He stands up and exits his house. The young man goes west. "Wo fuhrt der Teufel mich hin?" (Where is the devil leading me?). Apparently, the devil leads him to Sally's condo. He (Siegfried, that is) rings the doorbell. His eyes are big as he looks at you (the audience) and says "Now if this were a fictional story, Sally would conveniently answer promptly."
Sally comes to the door promptly. "Hey, Hot Stuff."
Siegfried: "I may regret this but . . . alright, you can come visit me IF YOU PROMISE TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF."
Sally (saluting): "Scouts' honour. Criss cross, apple sauce, spit in the wind, hope to die, swear on my mother's grave-"
Siegfried: "Can you come now or not?" With big eyes, he looks back at you the audience: "Now, if this were a fictional story, even a pretty, popular lady like Sally would have nothing better to do than to visit me on demand."
Sally: "Right away".
They walk down the alley. There is an uncomfortable silence lasting about 30 seconds. Sally: "So how about them Dodgers?" No answer. "So how about them Rams?" No answer. "So how about those Lakers?" No answer. "Oh right, you're from Germany. So how about Bayern Munich?"
Siegfried: "Shut up!"
Sally: "That bad, huh?"
AT SIEGFRIED'S HOUSE
The host puts some dorky music on his stereo, with German singing. He pulls out a Bible. Oh, goody. "I want to tell you the heartwarming story of Abraham. God, that paragon of compassion and power, told Abraham 'To show your love for me, I want you to lovingly slay your son'".
Sally: "What does killing your son have to do with compassion?"
Siegfried: "Shut up! The Lord moves in mysterious ways. . . So anyway, God could tell that Abraham was going to lovingly kill the boy, so God said 'Never mind, point made'. Now Abraham knew that God, that paragon of compassion and power, would not be happy without some bloodshed, so Abraham slaughtered a sheep instead."
Sally: "What does killing an innocently animal have to do with compassion?"
Siegfried: "Shut up! If it comes from God, it must be right."
Sally: "Suppose a rock star told a fan 'To show that you love me, kill your mother'. What would you want done with that rock star? You'd want him put in jail and sent to a psychiatrist.
Can't God afford a shrink? How's the cost of living up there?"
Siegfried: "Blasphemy!"
Sally looks at his bookshelf and stops at a book called "Vogel". She asks "Why do you have a book called 'Vogel'? Doesn't that mean "copulate" in German?"
Siegfried: "Nein! That's 'Vogel' and it means "bird". The other word is "vogeln". Oops!" He covers his mouth.
Apparently, the word "vogeln" or the word "copulate" lights a fire inside Siegfried. He excuses himself and goes to the can--not to take a dump or a piss, but to jack off.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, etc.
While he's indisposed, Sally turns on his TV. Baywatch is on. Siegfried returns and is horrifed by what's on TV. He grabs the remote control and says "I knew I couldn't trust you!"
A cat enters the room.
Cat: "Meow".
Sally gets on her knees to play with the pussy. Pussy leaves the room, and Sally follows. With Sally gone and Baywatch on his brain, he sticks his hand into his pants again.
Siegfried: "Where is God? He should be kicking the devil's . . . And where is that girl? Sally!" Sally returns. "I may regret this, but . . . alright, you can kiss me. But don't touch me anywhere else or I'll cry rape."
Sally kisses him. Wow, that felt good! Siegfried points to his private part. "Alright, you may rub me there. But don't touch me anywhere else, or I'll cry rape." She rubs him there, and it gets bigger. Siegfried pulls down his pants AND his shorts! "Alright, you may lick me there. But don't touch me anywhere else or I'll cry rape." She licks. Wow, that felt good! Siegfried can't remember the last time his penis became so big.
Siegfried: "Alright, you may envelop my phallus with your vaginal lips." As Sally strips, her own voice echoes in her head "When you're possessed by the devil, I'll gladly
fuck the hell out of you."
Her left hand travels up and down his dick as she tastes the head. Soon, her mouth travels down and back up, and she gurgles. Sally mounts and faces him, leaning forward. He licks one of her red nipples. She makes his dick rub the outside of her pussy. She fills her pussy with his erection, and rocks forward and back, then up and down. She faces the ceiling and bounces. Siegfried looks up and envisions God. Sally looks up and envisions the ceiling. She puts her palms on his chest and kisses him. As she bounces, he holds her hands first, then her tits. And he massages her boobs. She slows her pace. Sally shakes her ass at him as she moves to reverse cowgirl. The German holds her pretty buttocks as she bounces. Sally leans back, with her hands on the sofa. Without warning, he cums into her pussy.
She dismounts him and says "See? That wasn't so bad."
Silent, Siegfried dresses hurriedly and begins to pray next to the sofa. He doesn't notice her leaving the room.
"Hail Mary" is interrupted by the words "Sorry to interrupt." He looks up and sees his guest holding a knife!
Sally: "God told me to show my love for Him by killing you." Siegfried screams! She sets the knife down. "Just kidding, sissy! Killing to show love is your idea of a good thing, but sex between consenting adults outside of marriage is bad? You're pretty messed up, Dude. But thanks for the memories." Sally begins to leave.
Siegfried: "I'll pray for your soul!"
Sally: "Yeah, yeah. Thanks a bunch."
SATURDAY MORNING.
Let's not mince words. Sally has the hots for a German immigrant neighbour named Siegfried. He is a devout practitioner of some Christian denomination--Sally doesn't know nor care which. Siegfried knows Sally wants his body and is disgusted with her intent to fornicate. But Sally is undaunted.
She knocks on his door. His greeting is less than warm: "What?"
"Oh hi, Hot Stuff. Uh . . . " Sally reaches for an excuse to knock on his door. "How are your clarinet lessons going?"
Siegfried knows that's not the reason she's here. He smiles sarcastically and answers "Nicely. Is that all?"
"Well" she begins, and looks downward. She looks up. "While I'm here . . . could we screw today?".
Siegfried erupts: "Unter keinen Umstanden! Nicht einiges Mal! Nicht einmal Nahe!" (When he's angry, he forgets to speak English).
"Is that a yes?" asks Sally. Siegfried smiles sarcastically again.
When he calms down, he explains "I'm Catholic. I wouldn't dream of doing that outside of marriage"
Sally: "Well I'm just what the doctor ordered! When you're possessed by the devil, I'll gladly fuck the Hell out of you!" Again, Siegfried smiles sarcastically.
Sally holds her chin in her hand and says "Catholic, huh? So no meat Fridays . . . I could masturbate Fridays." She nods her head. "And Sunday mornings, you're in church-"
Siegfried cuts her off. "Sally, you just don't get it!"
Sally: "No. But I'd like to get it . . . from you!"
Siegfried shuts the door on her face.
ONE HOUR LATER
Siegfried watches some TV, some shit like Little House on the Prairie. One is used to watching the show and resenting the ads. But the shitty show gives way to an ad for Baywatch. Now we're talkin'. After a few seconds of T & A, Siegfried's hand goes between his thighs. He withdraws it swiftly and says "Nein, ich bin night geil!" (No, I'm not horny!)
SUNDAY
Siegfried watches another gripping show: The Waltons. On comes an ad for Baywatch again. His hand goes between his thighs again. Bad, bad hand! He withdraws his hand again. "Nein, ich bin noch immer nicht geil!" (No, I'm still not horny!) His bad, bad hand goes back between his thighs. "Was ist los? Ich glaube ich bin vom Teufel bessessen!!" (What's wrong? I believe I'm being possessed by the devil!).
He stands up and exits his house. The young man goes west. "Wo fuhrt der Teufel mich hin?" (Where is the devil leading me?). Apparently, the devil leads him to Sally's condo. He (Siegfried, that is) rings the doorbell. His eyes are big as he looks at you (the audience) and says "Now if this were a fictional story, Sally would conveniently answer promptly."
Sally comes to the door promptly. "Hey, Hot Stuff."
Siegfried: "I may regret this but . . . alright, you can come visit me IF YOU PROMISE TO KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF."
Sally (saluting): "Scouts' honour. Criss cross, apple sauce, spit in the wind, hope to die, swear on my mother's grave-"
Siegfried: "Can you come now or not?" With big eyes, he looks back at you the audience: "Now, if this were a fictional story, even a pretty, popular lady like Sally would have nothing better to do than to visit me on demand."
Sally: "Right away".
They walk down the alley. There is an uncomfortable silence lasting about 30 seconds. Sally: "So how about them Dodgers?" No answer. "So how about them Rams?" No answer. "So how about those Lakers?" No answer. "Oh right, you're from Germany. So how about Bayern Munich?"
Siegfried: "Shut up!"
Sally: "That bad, huh?"
AT SIEGFRIED'S HOUSE
The host puts some dorky music on his stereo, with German singing. He pulls out a Bible. Oh, goody. "I want to tell you the heartwarming story of Abraham. God, that paragon of compassion and power, told Abraham 'To show your love for me, I want you to lovingly slay your son'".
Sally: "What does killing your son have to do with compassion?"
Siegfried: "Shut up! The Lord moves in mysterious ways. . . So anyway, God could tell that Abraham was going to lovingly kill the boy, so God said 'Never mind, point made'. Now Abraham knew that God, that paragon of compassion and power, would not be happy without some bloodshed, so Abraham slaughtered a sheep instead."
Sally: "What does killing an innocently animal have to do with compassion?"
Siegfried: "Shut up! If it comes from God, it must be right."
Sally: "Suppose a rock star told a fan 'To show that you love me, kill your mother'. What would you want done with that rock star? You'd want him put in jail and sent to a psychiatrist.
Can't God afford a shrink? How's the cost of living up there?"
Siegfried: "Blasphemy!"
Sally looks at his bookshelf and stops at a book called "Vogel". She asks "Why do you have a book called 'Vogel'? Doesn't that mean "copulate" in German?"
Siegfried: "Nein! That's 'Vogel' and it means "bird". The other word is "vogeln". Oops!" He covers his mouth.
Apparently, the word "vogeln" or the word "copulate" lights a fire inside Siegfried. He excuses himself and goes to the can--not to take a dump or a piss, but to jack off.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, etc.
While he's indisposed, Sally turns on his TV. Baywatch is on. Siegfried returns and is horrifed by what's on TV. He grabs the remote control and says "I knew I couldn't trust you!"
A cat enters the room.
Cat: "Meow".
Sally gets on her knees to play with the pussy. Pussy leaves the room, and Sally follows. With Sally gone and Baywatch on his brain, he sticks his hand into his pants again.
Siegfried: "Where is God? He should be kicking the devil's . . . And where is that girl? Sally!" Sally returns. "I may regret this, but . . . alright, you can kiss me. But don't touch me anywhere else or I'll cry rape."
Sally kisses him. Wow, that felt good! Siegfried points to his private part. "Alright, you may rub me there. But don't touch me anywhere else, or I'll cry rape." She rubs him there, and it gets bigger. Siegfried pulls down his pants AND his shorts! "Alright, you may lick me there. But don't touch me anywhere else or I'll cry rape." She licks. Wow, that felt good! Siegfried can't remember the last time his penis became so big.
Siegfried: "Alright, you may envelop my phallus with your vaginal lips." As Sally strips, her own voice echoes in her head "When you're possessed by the devil, I'll gladly
fuck the hell out of you."
Her left hand travels up and down his dick as she tastes the head. Soon, her mouth travels down and back up, and she gurgles. Sally mounts and faces him, leaning forward. He licks one of her red nipples. She makes his dick rub the outside of her pussy. She fills her pussy with his erection, and rocks forward and back, then up and down. She faces the ceiling and bounces. Siegfried looks up and envisions God. Sally looks up and envisions the ceiling. She puts her palms on his chest and kisses him. As she bounces, he holds her hands first, then her tits. And he massages her boobs. She slows her pace. Sally shakes her ass at him as she moves to reverse cowgirl. The German holds her pretty buttocks as she bounces. Sally leans back, with her hands on the sofa. Without warning, he cums into her pussy.
She dismounts him and says "See? That wasn't so bad."
Silent, Siegfried dresses hurriedly and begins to pray next to the sofa. He doesn't notice her leaving the room.
"Hail Mary" is interrupted by the words "Sorry to interrupt." He looks up and sees his guest holding a knife!
Sally: "God told me to show my love for Him by killing you." Siegfried screams! She sets the knife down. "Just kidding, sissy! Killing to show love is your idea of a good thing, but sex between consenting adults outside of marriage is bad? You're pretty messed up, Dude. But thanks for the memories." Sally begins to leave.
Siegfried: "I'll pray for your soul!"
Sally: "Yeah, yeah. Thanks a bunch."