35 Years ago today.

[Mr_Stiffy]

MrSSTIFFY

And your point is...... beyond being loud, vulgar, and verbose

My point was in response to Countach's remark about people writing their erotic memoirs to Penthouse. Problem?

 

[jimnt]

you sure?

yeah, I think so, she is just slutty and mommy enough for me. Then again, I wanna mate with that hole from Hole. Courtney Love is great for me too. Both of em are really a mess

 

[jimnt]

My point was in response to Countach's remark about people writing their erotic memoirs to Penthouse. Problem?

Nah, it was just a little lengthy.

 

[jimnt]

:clap:

how long has it last?, 10 secondes?
yes finally i'm in, oooh yeah! oooh yeah! ohhhhhh shit i'm coming!
fuck no...
i'm, i'm sorry, i'm not done yet, i have reserve
yeah yeah ohhhh shit not again! :rofl2:

it seemed like an eternity . I am the guy that girls gripe about it taking too long. Probably a couple of minutes even the first time.

 

[L3ggy]

You know, the title reminds me of this.

 

[jimnt]

yeah, I think so, she is just slutty and mommy enough for me. Then again, I wanna mate with that hole from Hole. Courtney Love is great for me too. Both of em are really a mess

Probably they share similar vocal tones..........Both Contraaltos

 

[jimnt]

Maybe this is why she wad an ass hole to me after that

 

[BCT]

Lost my virginity at 16, got my first BJ at 14.

 

[vodkazvictim]

Lost my virginity at 16, got my first BJ at 14.

So when did you finally get with a woman?

 

[meesterperfect]

oh this again.
how many times i gotta say - men don't " lose their virginity".

 

[Shifty]

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

You should see some the of the stuff that gets printed in Paul Raymond rags over here. It's akin to :

He opened my legs & began finger banging my spunk trench. I was dripping like a George Foreman grill, leaving a huge damp patch on my seat. I was frothing at the slot & itching to be motted out. I dragged my clam over his face like a dog with worms drags its arse along the carpet. I straddled his head & rode his face like a Penny Farthing..he eagerly gobbled at my vaginal bacon buffet like a hungry pig at a trough. His cat's tongue was as rough sandpaper as it licked the seafood bisque from my lobster cage. My legs trembled as he buried his eager tongue deep into my beefy beaver. I squealed as he rapidly tongue punched my dripping slime trench. My legs shook as he tongued my ham clam. I was shaking like a shitting dog as he ate my pussy like Adele devouring a Greggs steak bake. The thought of his spam sword had me frothing at the slot. I was producing more foam than an inexperienced barmaid pulling her first pint. As I orgasmed, my fallopian foam flowed from my tuna taco like someone had left the washing machine door open mid cycle. When I squirted, it came thick and fast, spraying his face with my fallopian fish stock like a cat marking their territory.

After 7 hours of motting my frothing slot, he emerged from between my legs with a white beard of fanny foam.. He was like a sexy Santa. As he pulled his huge throbbing minge masher from his boxers, my quim dribbled & twitched.. I was instantly wetter than a dolphins arsehole. I'd had the shits for days, so his cock accidentally slipping up my arse was about as welcome as a fart in a space suit. My mahogany knot acquiesced and allowed his spunk shank entry into my putrid pipeline. He pulled his cock out of my arse & it looked like he'd been stirring Willy Wonka's chocolate river with it. It was caked in shit. Before I could stop him, he went straight from stink to pink. My beautiful & fragrant lady garden now smelled more like a manure heap. He fucked me so fast, my vag began to smoke. So much so that several Catholics began cheering outside thinking a new Pope had been elected. His HUGE pink nosed quim ferret shot up my dripping fleshy drainpipe & made me squeal. I hit notes that even [NOBABE]Mariah Carey[/NOBABE] would be proud of! As he withdrew his Gash Mallet from my Slime Well, it made a squelching sound like he was trying to pull out a boot stuck in the mud.

There was no way I was leaving until I had his footlong cheese melt sub with meatballs in my mouth. His huge balls dangled in front of my mouth like Pat Butchers earrings.. I blew him hard until he left my gob looking like a slavering dog. I slipped a finger up his dirt track and he moaned with pleasure.. I felt his buttocks clench & he covered my face with sex piss. "OUCH" I shouted... as his man muck landed in my eye & shot up my left nostril.."'I'm sorry baby" he whispered sweetly"..I soon forgave him. My left eye was now swollen and red after its encounter with his salty yoghurt and it now closely resembled my over inflated slime well. My right nostril was now my only remaining orifice not to have tasted his Milk of Man-Geyser. Still, there was always tomorrow.

 

[jimnt]

This is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Still think it is overly long and gratuitous

 

[jimnt]

You know, I wish I had seven fewer or 92 more conquests under my belt!

 

[Mr_Stiffy]

You know, I wish I had seven fewer or 92 more conquests under my belt!

What are you saying? You wish you'd done more shagging but there are seven trainwrecks on your CV?

Still think it is overly long and gratuitous

What do you want, a fucking apology? Should I have spread it out over 6 or 7 posts instead?

OK, here goes : I'm sorry my attempt at parodying the kind of tripe that gets printed in top shelf magazines has either distracted from or in your mind otherwise ruined, your deeply personal retelling of that magical night 35 years ago, when you were first laid down by the fire, parted your legs and allowed someone to have their wicked way with your sensitive soul. Well, 35 years and about two weeks now, I guess.

I'm sorry, I'll leave you alone now.

 

[jimnt]

Saturday, it wasn't personal. If I were upset, I would have PM'd you and said so. Just stating MY opinion. Like an arsehole we all have onl

 

[Shifty]

Apologies, but I have to quote/bump this again, as it makes me giggle uncontrollably like a fucking idiot.

You should see some the of the stuff that gets printed in Paul Raymond rags over here. It's akin to :

He opened my legs & began finger banging my spunk trench. I was dripping like a George Foreman grill, leaving a huge damp patch on my seat. I was frothing at the slot & itching to be motted out. I dragged my clam over his face like a dog with worms drags its arse along the carpet. I straddled his head & rode his face like a Penny Farthing..he eagerly gobbled at my vaginal bacon buffet like a hungry pig at a trough. His cat's tongue was as rough sandpaper as it licked the seafood bisque from my lobster cage. My legs trembled as he buried his eager tongue deep into my beefy beaver. I squealed as he rapidly tongue punched my dripping slime trench. My legs shook as he tongued my ham clam. I was shaking like a shitting dog as he ate my pussy like Adele devouring a Greggs steak bake. The thought of his spam sword had me frothing at the slot. I was producing more foam than an inexperienced barmaid pulling her first pint. As I orgasmed, my fallopian foam flowed from my tuna taco like someone had left the washing machine door open mid cycle. When I squirted, it came thick and fast, spraying his face with my fallopian fish stock like a cat marking their territory.

After 7 hours of motting my frothing slot, he emerged from between my legs with a white beard of fanny foam.. He was like a sexy Santa. As he pulled his huge throbbing minge masher from his boxers, my quim dribbled & twitched.. I was instantly wetter than a dolphins arsehole. I'd had the shits for days, so his cock accidentally slipping up my arse was about as welcome as a fart in a space suit. My mahogany knot acquiesced and allowed his spunk shank entry into my putrid pipeline. He pulled his cock out of my arse & it looked like he'd been stirring Willy Wonka's chocolate river with it. It was caked in shit. Before I could stop him, he went straight from stink to pink. My beautiful & fragrant lady garden now smelled more like a manure heap. He fucked me so fast, my vag began to smoke. So much so that several Catholics began cheering outside thinking a new Pope had been elected. His HUGE pink nosed quim ferret shot up my dripping fleshy drainpipe & made me squeal. I hit notes that even [NOBABE]Mariah Carey[/NOBABE] would be proud of! As he withdrew his Gash Mallet from my Slime Well, it made a squelching sound like he was trying to pull out a boot stuck in the mud.

There was no way I was leaving until I had his footlong cheese melt sub with meatballs in my mouth. His huge balls dangled in front of my mouth like Pat Butchers earrings.. I blew him hard until he left my gob looking like a slavering dog. I slipped a finger up his dirt track and he moaned with pleasure.. I felt his buttocks clench & he covered my face with sex piss. "OUCH" I shouted... as his man muck landed in my eye & shot up my left nostril.."'I'm sorry baby" he whispered sweetly"..I soon forgave him. My left eye was now swollen and red after its encounter with his salty yoghurt and it now closely resembled my over inflated slime well. My right nostril was now my only remaining orifice not to have tasted his Milk of Man-Geyser. Still, there was always tomorrow.

 

[Mr_Stiffy]

Apologies, but I have to quote/bump this again, as it makes me giggle uncontrollably like a fucking idiot.

Just for you Shifty, here is my attempt at compiling a follow-up.

I had been rogered more times than a policeman's radio. I'd had more hands up me than the cast of The Muppet Show, which had left my flaps so baggy, they hung out of my knickers like Elephant ears. I'd had more dicks inside me than the Big Brother house, but i was still gagging for more. Just the thought of cock got my sex slot dripping. Christian had bought me a hamster. How sweet, I thought, until he also brought out a 12 inch plastic tube, a tub of vaseline and a peanut. The hamster was now inside me, making it's way around my mouldy meat maze in search of the peanut Christian had hidden in my angler's abyss. The hamster eventually emerged from my chum chamber like a Chilean miner, bewildered and bedraggled.

Suddenly I felt his fingers force open my balloon knot and probe my landfill lagoon like he was searching for his keys in the dark. Christian pulled apart my shit bumpers and inserted his finger through my circle of trust and into my Toblerone tunnel. He inserted two fingers in my anus. Now I've always enjoyed a KitKat but this was a step too far! His relentless probing soon had lashings of lobster bisque seeping from my trout pocket and trickling down my inner thigh. My farter twitched as he rimmed the remnants of yesterday's lunch off my hoop. He then gobbled my scallop until I was paddling in cunt fat. My battered clit looked like Evander Holyfield's ear after a run in with Tyson, but I still wanted a porky piss python up my haddock alley.

He pulled down his pants revealing his huge pussy prod. I was hungry for it.. I started to dribble, like Adele waiting for Greggs to open. He dangled his massive ball sack over my open mouth, like Michael Jackson dangling a baby off a balcony. I sucked Christian's cock like I was a gypsy syphoning unleaded from a parked car in a multi story car park. My herring hole was wetter than an English summer as i munched on his purple headed piss stick. I was as hungry for cock as Adele is for KFC. I was wetter than a Whale's arsehole as he stood in front of me stroking his throbbing piss wand. "Just shove it in me you cunt" I yelled. My hungry fanny was chewing my leg off waiting for him to penetrate me. If he left it any longer, i'd be left with just a very slimy stump.

He said he had a treat for me seeing it was National Chocolate Week. Turns out he meant a week of anal intrusion up my Cadbury passage. Christian spread my back bosoms and inserted his eight inches of blunt fury into my coffee canal. As he bummed me hard & fast, the noise of his nuts slapping against my arse sounded like a fat chick walking down a wet beach in flip flops. As he withdrew his bald-headed Jesus from my faeces flume, my red raw balloon knot resembled a badly damaged remembrance day poppy. My Goulash Gash was now more dilated than Princess Kate's as his royal sceptre levered my lizard lips apart and entered my damp dungeon. He slapped my bearded donut with his dribbling piss stick before ramming it deep inside me. It hardly touched the sides these days though. Within seconds he was balls deep in my Courtney Cocksleeve, slamming my Cheddar Gorge with his Throbbing Pink Jesus.

Filthy bastard didn't clean his cock when he swapped from stink to pink leaving me with a less than welcome gash brown. The bubble mix started dripping from my gash gates when he prodded it with his Crimson Darth Vader causing much frothing at the oyster. I'd been bouncing on his dick like a space hopper non-stop for 4 hours & I was sweating like Adele running after the ice cream van. He withdrew his caped crusader from my ham clam and shot his pollyfilla over my face making me look like a badly painted clown. As he ejaculated into my mouth, his huge salty load caused me to gag & heave, like a Page 3 girl doing a bushtucker trial on I'm A Celebrity. Christian covered me in a spooge deluge. I looked like I had just emerged from the gunge tank on Noel's House Party. As his bollocknaise sauce dried and caked on my face, I resembled [NOBABE]Amanda Holden[/NOBABE] after a particularly intense botox session.

Time for a rest? My poor clit pit had been stretched more than Adele's knicker elastic. My swollen piss flaps made Jackie Stallone & Pete Burns lips look normal. I could hardly fit them into my knickers.

 

[jimnt]

Yes, We were underage. No she wasn't shaved. Hell I still prefer em unshaved today! I was almost forty when I met the first shaved one in person

 

[jimnt]

35 years ago were you underaged and then girls did not shave down under? did they?

Nope Hairy Pussy just like I prefer today..
https://www.xvideos.com/video33302341/hairy_gilf_blonde_in_stockings_loves_big_young_cock
https://www.xvideos.com/video20751785/hairy_pussy_blonde_milf_kathy_anderson_couch_fucked
https://www.xvideos.com/video11480425/mature_blonde_boss_fucks_an_applicant
https://www.youporn.com/watch/15913414/hairy-pussy-sexy-skinny-granny-rides-his-big-meat/
https://www.youporn.com/watch/15346...ruby-has-her-hairy-pussy-pounded-by-a-geezer/

 

[jimnt]

you sure?

Yes, I would love a go with Britney