Dear Penthouse Forum.....
You should see some the of the stuff that gets printed in Paul Raymond rags over here. It's akin to :
He opened my legs & began finger banging my spunk trench. I was dripping like a George Foreman grill, leaving a huge damp patch on my seat. I was frothing at the slot & itching to be motted out. I dragged my clam over his face like a dog with worms drags its arse along the carpet. I straddled his head & rode his face like a Penny Farthing..he eagerly gobbled at my vaginal bacon buffet like a hungry pig at a trough. His cat's tongue was as rough sandpaper as it licked the seafood bisque from my lobster cage. My legs trembled as he buried his eager tongue deep into my beefy beaver. I squealed as he rapidly tongue punched my dripping slime trench. My legs shook as he tongued my ham clam. I was shaking like a shitting dog as he ate my pussy like Adele devouring a Greggs steak bake. The thought of his spam sword had me frothing at the slot. I was producing more foam than an inexperienced barmaid pulling her first pint. As I orgasmed, my fallopian foam flowed from my tuna taco like someone had left the washing machine door open mid cycle. When I squirted, it came thick and fast, spraying his face with my fallopian fish stock like a cat marking their territory.
After 7 hours of motting my frothing slot, he emerged from between my legs with a white beard of fanny foam.. He was like a sexy Santa. As he pulled his huge throbbing minge masher from his boxers, my quim dribbled & twitched.. I was instantly wetter than a dolphins arsehole. I'd had the shits for days, so his cock accidentally slipping up my arse was about as welcome as a fart in a space suit. My mahogany knot acquiesced and allowed his spunk shank entry into my putrid pipeline. He pulled his cock out of my arse & it looked like he'd been stirring Willy Wonka's chocolate river with it. It was caked in shit. Before I could stop him, he went straight from stink to pink. My beautiful & fragrant lady garden now smelled more like a manure heap. He fucked me so fast, my vag began to smoke. So much so that several Catholics began cheering outside thinking a new Pope had been elected. His HUGE pink nosed quim ferret shot up my dripping fleshy drainpipe & made me squeal. I hit notes that even [NOBABE]Mariah Carey[/NOBABE] would be proud of! As he withdrew his Gash Mallet from my Slime Well, it made a squelching sound like he was trying to pull out a boot stuck in the mud.
There was no way I was leaving until I had his footlong cheese melt sub with meatballs in my mouth. His huge balls dangled in front of my mouth like Pat Butchers earrings.. I blew him hard until he left my gob looking like a slavering dog. I slipped a finger up his dirt track and he moaned with pleasure.. I felt his buttocks clench & he covered my face with sex piss. "OUCH" I shouted... as his man muck landed in my eye & shot up my left nostril.."'I'm sorry baby" he whispered sweetly"..I soon forgave him. My left eye was now swollen and red after its encounter with his salty yoghurt and it now closely resembled my over inflated slime well. My right nostril was now my only remaining orifice not to have tasted his Milk of Man-Geyser. Still, there was always tomorrow.